JokzBlog.com

Why did the man take a pencil to
bed ?
To
draw the curtains !

written by Jokester

I woke up, went for a walk, my head fell off

and rolled away. I picked it up and put it on. A child walked up to me

and said: “Good grief, where are your feet?”
I must have left
them in bed !

written by Jokester

Knock Knock
Who’s there !
Bed !
Bed who
?
Bed you can’t guess who I am!

written by Jokester

What should you do if you find a 500-pound dog

asleep on your bed?
Sleep on the sofa.

written by Jokester

How do you know when there is an elephant under

your bed ?
When your nose touches the ceiling !

written by Jokester

What do tigers wear in bed ?
Stripey pyjamas
!

written by Jokester

What is the softest bed for a
baby to sleep
on?
Cot-on-wool.

written by Jokester

You can’t have any more chocolates tonight. It’s
not
good for you to go to bed on a full stomach.
Oh, Mum. I
promise I’ll lay on my side.

written by Jokester

I’d like to buy a bed,
please.
Certainly,
madam. Spring mattress?
Oh, no! I want to be able to use it all
year.

written by Jokester

Three boys were sharing
the same bed on
holiday, but it was so crowded that one of them decided
to sleep on the
floor. After a while, one of his friends told him he
might as well
get in to bed again. There’s lots of room now,’ he
said.

written by Jokester

How can you shorten a bed?
Don’t sleep long
in it.

written by Jokester

I’d love you to stay the night, but I’m

afraid you’ll have to make your own bed.

Oh, that’s all right, I
don’t mind at all.

Right. Here’s a hammer, a saw, and some
nails. The wood’s in the
garage.
I have four legs, but only one
foot. What am I?
A bed

written by Jokester

A neighbour bumped into Jenny playing outside her
house after
dark. ‘Hello, Jenny,’ said the neighbour. ‘Isn’t it
time for little
girls to be in bed?’

‘How would I know?’
asked Jenny. ‘I haven’t got any little
girls.’

written by Jokester

Why did the girl put her bed in the fireplace?

Because she wanted to sleep like a log.

written by Jokester

Why do people go to bed?
Because the bed
won’t come to them.

written by Jokester

Shall I tell you the joke about the bed?
No,
because it hasn’t been made up yet.

written by Jokester

Why did the bed spread?
Because it saw the
pillow slip.

written by Jokester

Mother: Did you make your bed today?
Daughter:
Yes, Mom, but I think it would be easier to buy one.

written by Jokester

Why
does your brother wear a life jacket in
bed?
Because he sleeps on a waterbed !

written by Jokester

Why did your sister keep running
around her
bed ?
Because she was trying to catch up with her sleep.

written by Jokester

Why did the girl take a ruler to bed?
She
wanted to see how long she slept.

written by Jokester

What animal always goes to bed
with its shoes
on ?
A horse !

written by Jokester

Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make
your bed?
Jane: I can’t answer. I didn’t know I was supposed to
keep
count!

written by Jokester

Sonny: I can’t sleep. What should I
do?
Counselor: Lie near the edge of the bed. That way you’ll be sure to
drop
off!

written by Jokester

Why are rivers lazy?
Because they never get off
their beds.

written by Jokester

Why do you go to bed?
Because the bed will not
come to you.

written by Jokester

Why shouldn’t you believe a
person in
bed?
Because he is lying.

written by Jokester

How can you shorten a bed?
Don’t sleep long in
it.

written by Jokester

When does a bed grow longer?
At night, because
two feet are added to it.

written by Jokester

When is your mind like a
rumpled bed?
When
it isn’t made up yet.

written by Jokester

Why did the kid punch the bed?
His mother told
him to hit the hay.

written by Jokester

Why did the boy take the ruler to
bed?
He
wanted to see how long he slept.

written by Jokester

Doctor, doctor, I’m having difficulty sleeping.

Doctor: Well maybe it’s your bed.
Oh, I’m all right at night,
it’s in the day I have
problems.

written by Jokester

Doctor, doctor, I keep dreaming there are great,
gooey, bug-eyed monsters
playing tiddley winks under my bed.

What shall I do?
Hide the tiddley winks.

written by Jokester

Witch: Doctor, doctor, I don’t feel well.

Doctor: Don’t worry, you’ll just have to go to bed for a spell.

written by Jokester

The
hotel we stayed in for our holiday offered
bed and board, but it was
impossible to say which was the bed and
which was the board.

written by Jokester

A little
boy came downstairs crying late one
night.
“What’s wrong?” asked his mother.
“Do people really come
from dust, like they said in church?” he
sobbed.
“In a way they
do,” said his mother.
“And when they die so they turn back to
dust?”
“Yes, they do.”
The little boy began to cry again. “Well,
under my bed there’s
someone either coming or going.”

written by Jokester

Two friends who lived in the town were chatting.

“I’ve just bought a pig,” said the first.
“But where will you
keep it?” said the second.
“Your yard’s much too small for a pig!”

“I’m going to keep it under my bed,” replied his friend.
“But
what about the smell?”
“He’ll soon get used to that.”

written by Jokester

When Mr Maxwell’s wife left him,
he couldn’t
sleep.
Why was that?
She had taken the bed.

written by Jokester

Why did the composer spend all his time in

bed?
He wrote sheet music.

written by Jokester

I don’t think my Mom knows much about

children.
Why do you say that? Because she always puts me to bed when I’m
wide
awake, and gets me up when I’m sleepy!

written by Jokester

I was once in a play called
Breakfast In Bed.

Did you have a big role?
No, just toast and marmalade.

written by Jokester

Did you hear about the granny who plugged her

electric blanket into the toaster by mistake?
She spent the night
popping out of bed.

written by Jokester

What should you do if you find a snake in your bed?

Sleep in the wardrobe.

written by Jokester

What do you call a python with a great bedside

manner?
A snake charmer.

written by Jokester

What should you do if you find a witch in your bed?

Run!

written by Jokester

Father: Why did you put a toad in your sister’s
bed?
Son: I couldn’t find a spider.

written by Jokester

Who stole the sheets from the bed?
Bed
buglars.

written by Jokester