Feb 11
A woman called and said, “I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola
on one of those computer planes.” I asked if she meant to
fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah,
whatever.”
Feb 11
Stewardess”
“Yes, Sir?” “I want to
complain about this airline. Every time I
fly, I get the same seat, I
can’t see the in-flight movie and there are
no windows blinds so I
can’t sleep.” “Captain, shut up and land the
plane.”
Feb 11
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport,
there was huge rush
and the security guard told him, “Wait Please.”
To which Laloo replied, “65 kgs,” and moved on.
Feb 11
After an overnight flight to meet my father
at
his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at
Rhein-Main
Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me — all
under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief,
”Ma’am,” he said, ”do all these children
and this luggage
belong to you?”
”Yes, sir,” my
mother said with a sigh, ”they’re all
mine.”
The
customs agent began his interrogation: ”Ma’am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?”
”Sir,” she calmly answered, ”if I’d had any of those items, I
would have used them by now.”
Feb 11
“I’ve never flown before, said the
nervous old lady to the pilot. “You will bring me down safely, won’t
you?
“All I can say ma’am,” said the pilot, “is that I’ve never left
anyone up there yet!”
Feb 10
A small two-seater Cessna
152 plane
crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central
Poland. Polish
search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far
and
expect that number to climb as digging continues into the
evening.
Feb 10
On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised
to see a parrot strapped
in next to him. He asks the stewardess for
a coffee where upon the
parrot squawks “And get me a whisky you
cow!” The stewardess, flustered,
brings back a whisky for the parrot
and forgets the coffee.
When this omission is pointed out to her
the parrot drains its glass
and bawls “And get me another whisky
you idiot”. Quite upset, the girl
comes back shaking with another
whisky but still no coffee.
Unaccustomed to such slackness the man
tries the parrot’s approach
“I’ve asked you twice for a coffee,
go and get it now or I’ll kick
you”.
The next moment, both
he and the parrot have been wrenched up and
thrown out of the
emergency exit by two burly stewards. Plunging downwards
the parrot
turns to him and says “For someone who can’t fly, you
complain too
much!”
Feb 10
A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in
the
first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to
her and
tells her she must move to coach because she doesn’t have
a first class
ticket. The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m smart,
I have a good
job, and I’m staying in first class until we reach
Jamaica.”
The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who
asks the blonde
to leave. The blonde yet again repeats “I’m blonde,
I’m smart, I have
a good job and I’m staying in first class until
we reach Jamaica.”
The head stewardesses doesn’t even know what to
do at this point because
they still have to get the rest of the
passengers seated to take off;
the blode is causing a problem with
boarding now, so the stewardess gets
the copilot.
The copilot
goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She
immediately gets
up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head
st
ewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move
to
her correct seat. The copilot replies, “I told her the front
half of the
airplane wasn’t going to Jamaica.”
Feb 10
An airliner was having engine
trouble,
and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers
take
their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.
A few
minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone
was
buckled in and ready.
“All set back here, Captain,” came the
reply, “except the lawyers
are still going around passing out business
cards.”
Feb 10
A man jumps out of an airplane with a
parachute on his back. As he’s falling, he realizes hiss chute is broken.
He
doesn’t know anything about parachutes, but as the earth
rapidly
approaches, he realizes his options are limited; he takes off the
parachute
and tries to fix it himself on the way down. The wind is
ripping past
his face, he’s dropping like a rock, and at 5000
feet, another man goes
shooting up past him. In desperation, the man
with the chute looks up
and yells, “Hey do you know anything about
parachutes?!”
The guy flying up looks down and yells, “No, do you
know anything
about gas stoves?!”