Feb 10
How does the captain know the aircraft is
safely at the ramp?
Both the engines and the co-pilot stop whining.
Feb 09
As the airliner was preparing to land in
Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid.
“What’s the problem, fellow?” asked his seat mate.
“Surely,”
said the Englishman, “you’ve heard the saying, ‘The
planes in
Spain fall mainly in the rains!!’”
Feb 09
While cruising at 40,000
feet, the
airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window.
“Good lord!” he
screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”
Other passengers
left their seats and came running over; suddenly the
aircraft was
rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on
the other
side.
The passengers were in a panic now, and even the
stewardesses couldn’t
maintain order. Just then, standing tall and smiling
confidently, the
pilot strode from the cockpit and assured everyone
that there was
nothing to worry about. His words and his demeanor
seemed made most of the
passengers feel better, and they sat down as
the pilot calmly walked to
the door of the aircraft. There, he
grabbed several packages from under
the seatsand began handing them to
the flight attendants. Each crew
member attatched the package to
their backs.
“Say,” spoke up an alert passenger, “aren’t tho
se parachutes?”
The pilot said they were.
The passenger
went on, “But I thought you said there was nothing to
worry
about?”
“There isn’t,” replied the pilot as a third engine exploded.
“We’re going to get help.”
Feb 09
An airplane was flying from LA to New York.
About an
hour into the flight, the pilot announced, “We have lost an
engine,
but don’t worry, there are three left. However, instead of 5
hours
it will take 7 hours to get to New York.”
A little later, the
pilot announced, “A second engine failed, but we
still have two
left. However, it will take 10 hours to get to New
York.”
Somewhat later, the pilot again came on the intercom and announced, “A
third engine had died. Never fear, because the plane can fly on a
single engine. However, it will now take 18 hours to get to new
York.”
At this point, one passenger said, “Gee, I hope we don’t lose that
last engine, or we’ll be up here forever!”
Feb 09
Taxiing down the tarmac,
the jetliner
abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate.
After an
hour-long wait, it finally took off.
A concerned passenger asked
the flight attendant, “What was the
problem?”
“The pilot was
bothered by a noise he heard in the engine,” explained
the flight
attendant, “and it took us a while to find a new
pilot.”
Feb 09
A pilot and a co-pilot were descending for a
landing at an airport
they had never been to before. The pilot
looked out the windshield, and
suddenly exclaimed to the co-pilot:
“Holy cow! Look how short the runway
is! I’ve never seen one that
short!”
The co-pilot looked out the windshield. “Wow! you’re right!
That’s
incredible! Are you sure we can make it?”
“Well we
better, we’re almost out of fuel.”
So the captain got on the
intercom, and notified the passengers to put
their heads between their
knees, and prepare for an emergency landing.
Then he set the flaps to
full down, and slowed the plane to just over
stall speed. The big
jumbo jet came screaming in, on the ragged edge of
control. The
pilot’s hands were sweating, the co-pilot was praying.
They touched
down, and came screeching to a halt just before the edge
of the
runway, the tires smoking.
“HEW! That was CLOSE!” yelled the
captain. “That runway was SHORT!”
“Yeah!” said the co-pilot, “and
WIDE too!”
Feb 09
A young guy in a two-engine fighter was
flying
escort for a B-52 and generally being a nuisance, acting like a
hotdog,
flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The hotdog
said over the
air, “Anything you can do, I can do better.”
The
veteran bomber pilot answered, “Try this hot-shot.”
The B-52
continued its flight, straight and level.
Perplexed, the hotdog asked,
“So? What did you do?”
“I just shut down two engines, kid.”
Feb 09
“Flight 1234, for noise
abatement turn
right 45 degrees..”
“But Center, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise
can we make up
here?”
“Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 707
makes when it hits a
727?”
Feb 09
Cessna: “Jones tower, Cessna 12345, student
pilot, I am out of
fuel.”
Tower: “Roger Cessna 12345, reduce
airspeed to best glide!! Do you
have the airfield in
sight?!?!!”
Cessna: “Uh…tower, I am on the south ramp; I just want to know where
the fuel truck is.”
Feb 09
A man telephoned an airline office in New
York
and asked, “How long does it take to fly to Boston?”
The clerk
said, “Just a minute…”
“Thank you,” the man said and hung up.