Recently scientists revealed
that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove
their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of
beer
each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained
weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and
couldn’t drive.
No further testing is planned.
A man walks into a bar and
asks for
six shots of vodka. The bartender says, “Six shots? What’s
wrong?”
“I found out my older brother is gay,” replied the
man.
The next night, he walked into the bar again and asked for six
shots of
vodka. “What now?” asked the bartender.
“I found out
my younger brother is gay,” replied the man.
The night after
that, the man walked into the bar again and asked for
six shots of
vodka. “Geez, does ANYBODY in your family like women?”
asked the
bartender.
The man replied, “Yeah, my wife does.”
A Texan bought a round of
drinks for all in the bar and said that his wife had just produced “a
typical Texas baby” weighing twenty pounds.
Two weeks later
he returned to the bar. The bartender recognized him
and asked,
“Aren’t you the father of the typical Texas baby that
weighed twenty
pounds at birth?”
“Yup, shore am!”
“How much does he
weigh now?”
The proud father answered, “Ten pounds.”
The
bartender said, “Why, what happened? He did weigh twenty
pounds.”
The proud Texas father said, “Jest had him circumcised!”
Old man
O’Malley had
worked down at the brewery for years, but one day he just
wasn’t
paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over
into the
beer vat and drowned.
The foreman thought it should be his job
to inform the Widow O’Malley
of her old man’s death. He showed up
at the front door and rang the
bell. When she came to the door, he
said, “I’m sorry to tell you, but
your poor husband passed away at
work today when he fell into the vat
and drowned.”
She wept
and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between
sobs,
she asked, “Tell me, did he suffer?”
“Knowing Brian O’Malley as
well as I did, I don’t think so,” said
the foreman, “He got out
three times to go to the men’s room.”
A
rather confident man
walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very
attractive woman.
He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his
watch for a
moment.
The woman notices this and asks, “Is your date running
late?”
“No,” he replies, “I just bought this state-of-the-art
watch and I
was just testing it.”
The intrigued woman says, “A
state-of-the-art watch? What’s so
special about it?”
“It
uses alpha waves to telepathically talk to me,” he
explains.
“What’s it telling you now?” she asked.
“Well, it says you’re not
wearing any panties.” he said.
The woman giggles and replies,
“Well it must be broken then because I
am wearing panties!”
The
man explains, “Damn thing must be an hour fast.”
“Shhaaayyy, buddy, what’s a
‘Breathalyzer’?” asked one drunk to his friend at the next
barstool.
“Well, I’d have to say that it’s a bag that tells you when
you’ve
drunk way too much,” answered the equally wasted
gent.
“Ah hell, whaddya know? I’ve been married to one of those for
years!”
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may cause you to
roll over in the morning and see something
really scary (whose species
and or name you can’t remember).
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may
lead you to believe you are invisible.
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.
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