Feb 18
WARNING: Consumption of
alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small
(and
sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.
Feb 18
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol is the leading cause of pregnancy in the
world. Proceed with
caution.
Feb 18
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may create
the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and
smarter than some
really, really big guy named Chuck.
Feb 18
WARNING: consumption of
alcohol may
lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you
to telephone
them at four in the morning.
Feb 18
A Russian walks into a bar
and orders a
beer. “That will be one ruble,” says the bartender.
“One ruble!”
the customer protests, “last week it was only fifty
kopeks!” “Well,”
replies the bartender, “it’s fifty kopeks for the beer
and fifty
kopecs for the perestroika.” Reluctantly, the customer
gives the bartender
a ruble, and is surprised when the bartender
gives him back fifty
kopecs and says, “We are out of beer.”
Feb 18
A Scotsman is sitting in a
bar in Cuba and is minding his business when a man with a large
black
beard walks in. The man goes to the bar and orders a shot of
whisky. The
bartender serves him, the man drinks the whisky then starts
walking out
the door. The bartender says, “Hey aren’t you going to
pay for
that?” The man says, “Excuse me, Castro’s Army.” The
bartender says,
“Alright then” and the man leaves.
A few minutes
later another man with a large black beard walks in. The
man goes
to the bar and orders a shot of whisky. The bartender serves
him,
the man drinks the whisky then starts walking out the door. The
bartender says, “Hey aren’t you going to pay for that?” The man says,
“Excuse me, Castro’s Army.” The bartender says “Alright then” and
the man leaves.
The Scotsman gets an idea and walks up to the bar
and orders a shot of
whisky. He drinks the whisky then start
s walking out the door. The
bartender says, “Hey aren’t you going
to pay for that?” The Scotsman
says, “Excuse me, Castro’s Army.”
The bartender says, “Hey where is
your big black beard?” The
Scotsman thinks quickly. He lifts his Kilt
and says, “Secret Service!”
Feb 18
A guy goes up to this girl
in a bar and
says, “Would you like to dance?”
The girl says, “I
don’t like this song, but even if I did, I
wouldn’t
dance with
you.”
The guy says, “I’m sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I
said you
look
fat in those pants.”
Feb 18
Marley stopped at the town
barbershop for a
haircut. After thirty-five minutes of snipping and
cutting, the barber
held a mirror behind Marley’s head.
“How
you like it?” asked the barber. “Real fine,” said the redneck.
“But
how ’bout making it a little longer in the back?”
Feb 18
How do
barmen surf the
web?
On the Gin-ternet.
Feb 17
A golf club walks into a
local bar and asks
the barman for a pint of beer.
The barman
refuses to serve him. “Why not,” asks the golf club.
“You’ll be
driving later,” replies the bartender.