Feb 28
Do molecular biologists
wear designer
genes?
Feb 28
Q: what’s a biologists definition of a
graph
A: an animal with a long neck
Feb 27
While driving down a steep and curvy logging
road, a group of biologists loose control of their 4-wd “Jimmy” and
careen down the hill. The truck piles up at the bottom of the
canyon,
and everyone aboard perishes. Suprisingly, they all go to
heaven. At an
orientation they are asked, “When you are in your casket
and your
friends and family are mourning about your death, what would
you like to
hear them say about you?”
The first guy, a well
known botanist says, “I would like to hear them
say that I was one
of the greatest botanists of my time, and left an
eternal
contribution to the botanical world.”
The second guy, an ornithologist,
says, “I would like to hear that I
was a wonderful birder and made a
huge difference in the recovery of our
bird
populations.”
The last guy, a scruffy mammalogist, replies, “I would like to hear
them say… ‘LOOK, HE’S MOVING!!!’ “
Feb 27
A young college student had
stayed up
all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he
entered
the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a
sack
over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front
row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor
announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and
give the
common name, habitat, genus, species, etc.
The
student looked at each set of bird legs. They all looked the same
to him.
He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying, and
now
had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it,
the madder he got. Finally, he could stand it no longer. He went up to
the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could
anyone
tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?”
With that
the student threw his test on the professor’s desk an
d walked out the
door.
The professor was surprised. The
class was so big that he didn’t know
every student’s name, so as the
student reached the door the professor
called, “Mister, what’s
your name?”
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said,
“You guess,
buddy! You guess!”
Feb 27
How many evolutionists does it take to
change a light
bulb?
Only one, but it takes eight million years.
Feb 27
How many biologists does
it take to
change a light bulb?
Four. One to change it and three to write the
environmental-impact
statement.
Feb 27
A young wildlife biologist got fired from
his first real
wildlife job. Upon his return home, his parents asked
him what happened.
“You know what a crew boss is?” he asked.
“The one who stands around
and watches everyone else work.”
“What’s that got to do with it?” they asked.
“Well, he just got
jealous of me,” the young biologist explained.
“Everyone thought I
was the crew boss.”
Feb 27
A pair of biologists are studying terns on a
rock island just off the coast. While walking on a distant part of
the
island, they are shot at by a group of thugs operating a pot
farm. This
happens several times and the local law enforcement
refuses to
investigate.
On their last day on the island they
happen into a huge pile of
harvested grass that has been set out to dry.
Quickly they decide to set it on
fire to pay the thugs back for
shooting at them. The fire takes off and
sends plumes of smoke into
the sky. As they are running for their boat,
they notice that the
soaring birds are acting weird, spiraling out of
control and crashing
into the trees.
The next day they read the headlines in the
local paper:
Pot Farm Burns - No Tern Left Unstoned.
Feb 27
A wildlife biologist crew
leader has
several crews, each consisting of two biologists. The crews
camped and
worked in the woods and he made his rounds to visit each pair
every
few days. One particular crew, Sarah and Jim, were not getting
nearly as much work accomplished as the others, so he suspected that they
might be up to some funny business. The following day, he paid them
a
visit.
“Is anything funny going on here”? he
asked.
“What do you mean by that?” the pair asked back.
“I mean, you’re not
getting much fieldwork done. Are you two, you
know, maybe doing
something you’re not supposed to do?”
“Absolutely not!” the Jim
replied. ” We are strictly co-workers”
“Oh yes,” the Sarah replied, ” We
hike all day, record our data,
return back, and fall asleep
exhausted.
“That’s right!” Jim replied, “and me in my tent, and she in
hers!”
The crew supervisor spent the remainder of the day in th
e field with
the pair. He left the field early, returned to camp,
retrieved his Jeep
and left the area.
The following day, the
biologist pair had lost their $1000 GPS unit.
They searched high
and low, but could not find it. It had simply
disappeared from their
camp. After a few frantic days, they suspected that the
crew leader
had taken it. It was the only plausible explanation. That
evening,
they called him on the 2-way radio, and politely asked weather
he
may have inadvertently taken the unit.
“As a matter of fact, I
did take it the day I came up to see if you
two were sleeping
together. After realizing I had accidentally taken it
with me from the
field, I placed it in Sarah’s sleeping bag where she
would be sure to
find it!”
Feb 27
Dan had been studying whales for over 20
years and had made some thrilling breakthroughs regarding their
communication. He had managed to decode many of their underwater sounds
and to
translate them into English. His latest research had proved
that they
can communicate over a distance of 300 miles. When asked
what could they
possibly have to say at such distances he replied,
“As best as we can figure, it is something like - Hey, can you
hear me
now?