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A biologist had been
working on a remote
research project in the Amazon jungle. Upon his
return to the
States, he came down with a terrible illness. After his health
had
deteriorated, his wife took him to a doctor who specialized in
strange
jungle diseases. The doctor gave him a complete examination and a

series of tests. After receiving the results of the tests, the doctor

called the wife into his office alone. He told the young biologist’s

wife, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease,
combined
with horrible stress. If you don’t do the following, your
husband will
surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be
pleasant,
and make sure he is in a good mood. For lunch make him a
nutritious
meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for
him. Don’t burden him
with chores, and generally do anything he asks.
Don’t discuss your
problems with him, as it will only make
his stress worse. And most
importantly, make love with your
husband several times a week and satisfy his
every whim. ” If you can do
this for the next 10 months or so, I think
your husband will regain
his health completely. Otherwise…….well…
He’ll probably
die”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the
doctor
say?”

she replied. “Honey…..he says you’re probably
going to die.”

written by Jokester

An
old mountain man in Arkansas was sick
and bedridden. He had not been
outdoors for a few weeks and had a
sharp craving for a meal of wild
squirrel. He summoned his
half-idiot son into the room and instructed him to
go squirrel hunting and
bring him back a squirrel or two. He also told
his son to be very
careful not to shoot the squirrel in the head as he
would need its
brains later to “tan” the squirrel’s pelt. (Tanning a
skin using the
animal’s brains is a common practice in certain areas,
it
generally takes about one brain to tan one skin).

The idiot son spent
most of the day searching the woods for tree
squirrels, but was not
having any luck. Finally, high up in a sweet-gum tree,
he spotted a
squirrel’s head sticking out from a hole. He remembered
his Pa’s
admonitions to save the brains. After deciding he may not have

another chance, he shot it in the head, thus ruining the brains.

r
His sick Pa was upset, “I can’t tan that skin without no brains!”
he
said, “Now what am I a gonna do?” Thinking quickly, he
remembered
that up on the river there were 3 fisheries biologists doing some
field
work.

“Well, we’re only tanning one squirrel skin,
walk up the river and
shoot one of them dang fish biologists and
I’ll use his brains to tan
the skin,” he told the son. The son did as
he was told and soon returned
with the prize. As it turned out, the
brain wasn’t large enough and
the boy was upset as he would have
to make another trip to harvest the
other two biologist’s
brains.

“Look on the bright side, boy”, the old man told him, “Two more

ought to be just enough. We’d have been in real trouble if they was

BOTANISTS!”

written by Jokester

“A bloke walks into a pub, and asks for a

pint of Adenosinetriphosphate.
The barman says “That’ll be 80p
[ATP]!”

written by Jokester

Q: How so you call a
member of the
finacial staff of the faculty of Biology?
A: A Buy-ologist.

written by Jokester

A couple of biologists had twins.
One
they called John and the other control.

written by Jokester

Two biologists are in the field following the

tracks of a radio-collared grizzly bear. All of a sudden, the bear

crashes out of the brush and heads right for them. They scramble up
the
nearest tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after
them. The
first biologist starts taking off his heavy leather hiking
boots and pulls
a pair of sleek running shoes from his back-pack.
The second biologist
gives him a puzzled look and says, “What in the
world are you doing?”
He replies, “I figure when the bear gets close
to us, we’ll jump down
and make a run for it.”

The second
guy says, “Are you crazy? We both know you can’t outrun a

full-grown grizzly bear.”

The first guy says, “I don’t have to outrun
the bear, I only have to
outrun you!”

written by Jokester

A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and
asked his
mother, “How was I born?”
“Well honey…” said the
slightly prudish mother, “the stork brought
you to us.”
“Oh,” said
the boy, “and how did you and daddy get born?”
“Oh, the stork brought
us too.”
“Well how were grandpa and grandma born?” the boy
persisted.
“Well darling, the stork brought them too!” said the mother, by
now
starting to squirm a little.

Several days later, the boy
handed in his paper to the teacher who read
with confusion the
opening sentence: “This report has been very
difficult to write due to
the fact that there hasn’t been a natural
childbirth in my family
for three generations.”

written by Jokester

How do you eat a DNA
spaghetti?
With a
replication fork (you can also use your zinc fingers…)

written by Jokester

A
biologist was interested in studying how
far bullfrogs can jump. He
brought a bullfrog into his laboratory,
set it down, and commanded, “Jump,
frog, jump!”
The frog jumped
across the room.
The biologist measured the distance, then noted in
his journal, “Frog
with four legs jumped eight feet.”

Then
he cut the frog’s front legs off. Again he ordered, “Jump, frog,

jump!”
The frog struggled a moment, then jumped a few feet.
After
measuring the distance, the biologist noted in his journal,
“Frog
with two legs jumped three feet.”

Next, the biologist cut off the
frog’s back legs. Once more, he
shouted, “Jump, frog,
jump!”
The frog just lay there.
“Jump, frog, jump!” the biologist
repeated.
Nothing.
The biologist noted in his journal, “Frog with no legs -
lost its
hearing.”

written by Jokester

A boy frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and
his Personal
Psychic Advisor tells him: “You are going to meet a
beautiful young girl
who will want to know everything about
you.”

The frog is thrilled, “This is great! Will I meet her at a
party?”

“No,” says his Advisor, “in her biology class.”

written by Jokester