There was once a high-powered businessman who
insisted on taking his three secretaries everywhere with him - a
tall
one for writing longhand, a short one for taking down shorthand,
and a
very small one for adding footnotes.
Mom and Dad are in the iron and
steel
business.
She does the ironing and he does the stealing.
Kowalski, fresh out of
accounting school,
went to a interview for a good paying job. The
company boss asked
various questions about him and his education, but then
asked him,
“What is three times seven?”
“Twenty-two,” Kowalski
replied.
After he left, he double-checked it on his calculator (he knew he
should have taken it to the interview!) and realized he wouldn’t get
the
job.
About two weeks later, he got a letter that said he
was hired for the
job! He was not one to look a gift horse in the
mouth, but was still
very curious.
The next day, Kowalski
went in and asked why he got the job, even
though he got such a simple
question wrong. The boss shrugged and said,
“Well, you were the
closest.”
Two government economists were returning
home from a field meeting. As with all government travelers, they were
assigned the cheapest seats on the plane so they each were
occupying
the center seat on opposite sides of the aisle.
They
continued their discussion of the knotty problem that had been the
subject of their meeting through takeoff and meal service until finally
one of the passengers in an aisle seat offered to trade places so they
could talk and he could sleep.
After switching seats, one
economist remarked to the other that it was
the first time an
economic discussion ever kept anyone awake.
An American manufacturer is showing his
machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the
lunch
whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop
work and
leave the building.
“Your workers, they’re
escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got
to stop them.”
“Don’t
worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, at
exactly
one o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return
from
their break.
When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to
his guest and says,
“Well, now, which of these machines would you
like to order?”
“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How much
do you want for
that whistle?”
‘I’m very sad to announce this morning,
girls, that
Miss Jones has decided to retire,’ said the principal at
morning
assembly. ‘ Now we will all stand and sing this morning’s
hymn….now
Thank We All Our God.’
A businessman who needed millions of dollars
to
clinch an important deal went to church to pray for the money.
By chance he knelt next to a man who was praying for $100 to pay an
urgent debt. The businessman took out his wallet and pressed $100
into the
other man’s hand. Overjoyed, the man got up and left the
church.The
businessman then closed his eyes and prayed, “And now,
Lord, that I have
your undivided attention …. “
After being laid off from five
different
jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he
lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying
the damage, the owner shook his head and said he’d have to withhold
ten percent of Arnold’s wages to pay for the repairs. “How much
will it
cost?” asked Arnold. “About $4,500,” said the owner.
“What a relief!” exclaimed Arnold. ‘I’ve finally got job
security!”
Boss: “I’ve decided to use humor in the
office. Experts say humor
eases tension, which is important in times
when the work force is being
trimmed.
“Knock knock.”
Employee: “Who’s there?”
Boss: “Not you anymore.”
Boss: “I can assure you that the value of the
average employee will continue to increase.”
Employee: “That’s
because there will be fewer of us doing more work,
right?”
Boss: “Right. Except for the ‘us’ part.”
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