Apr 07
INTERVIEWER to job
applicant: “Do you
think you could come up with any reason you want this
job other than
your parents want you out of their house?”
Apr 07
The social
worker asked the bartender
“What’s the difference between your job and
mine?”
The bartender
replied: “I only had to go to bartender school for 6
weeks and I
learned to mix a very good drinks, than wait a couple of hours
to
have people tell me their innermost thoughts while you went to
school
for 6 years, paid thousands and thousands of dollars, sit session
after session using technique after technique, and you still may never
hear them!!!
Apr 07
The Americans and the Japanese decided to
engage in a boat
race. Both teams practiced hard and long to reach
their peak
performance levels. On the big day they felt ready. The
Japanese won by a mile.
The American team was discouraged by the loss.
Morale sagged. Corporate
management decided that the reason for the
crushing defeat had to be
found, so a consulting firm was hired to
investigate the problem and
recommend corrective action.
The
Japanese team had six people rowing and one person steering and
rowing; the American team had two people rowing and five people steering.
After a year of study and thousands spent analyzing the problem, the
consultant firm concluded that too many people were steering and
not
enough were rowing on the American team. So as race day neared
again the
following year, the American team’s management structure
was completely
reorganized. The new structure for the American
s was: one quality
assurance manager, two steering managers, one
area steering managers, and a
new performance review manager for the
two people rowing the boat to
provide work incentive.
That
year, the Japanese won by TWO miles !!!
Humiliated, the American
corporation laid off the rowers for poor
performance and gave the
managers a bonus for discovering the problem.
Apr 07
Why
did the electrician close early on
Mondays?
Because business was very light.
Apr 06
Tom was so excited about his promotion to
Vice
President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it
to
his wife for weeks on end.
Finally she couldn’t take it
any longer, and told him, “Listen, it
means nothing, they even have
a vice president of peas at the grocery
store!”.
“Really?”
he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to
call the
grocery store.
A clerk answers and Tom says “Can I please talk
to the Vice President
of peas?”
The clerk replies “Canned
or frozen?”
Apr 06
A motorist, driving by a
Texas ranch, hit
and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver
went to
the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then
asked
what the animal was worth.
“Oh, about $200 today,” said the
rancher. “But in six years it would
have been worth $900. So $900 is
what I’m out.”
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and
handed it to the
farmer.
“Here,” he said, “is the check for
$900. It’s postdated six years
from now.”
Apr 06
According to inside contacts, the Japanese
banking crisis
shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it’s
getting worse.
Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had
folded, we are
hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up, and Bonsai
Bank plans to cut back
some of its branches. Karaoke Bank is up for
sale, and it is (you
guessed it!) going for a
song.
Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived, and 500 back-office
staff at Karate Bank got the chop. Analysts report that there is
something fishy going on at Sushi Bank, and staff there fear they may get a
raw deal.
Apr 06
The banker fell overboard from a friend’s
sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not
knowing if the
banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float
alone?”
“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time
to
talk business.”
Apr 06
A wealthy investor walked into a bank and
said to the
bank manager, “I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald
Jones, who I
understand is a tried and trusted employee of
yours.”
The banker said, “Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be
tried
as soon as we catch him.”
Apr 06
“I’m not saying that the customer service in
my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the
clerk to
check my balance … she leaned over and pushed me.”