JokzBlog.com

“The fees for
withdrawing money from your
ATM machines are expected to double, even
triple. You’re gonna pay
two to three as much to withdraw your money so
basically the ATM
machines have become full service. Instead of getting
robbed at the
ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the
middle man.”
- Jay Leno

written by Jokester

Did you hear about the banker who was

recently arrested for embezzling $100,000 to pay for his daughter’s
college
education?

As the policeman, who also had a daughter in
college, was leading him
away in handcuffs, he said to the banker,
“I have just one question for
you. Where were you going to get the
rest of the money?”

written by Jokester

An
investment counselor decided to go out
on her own. She was shrewd and diligent,
so business kept coming
in, and pretty soon she realized that she
needed an in-house counsel.
The investment banker began to interview young
lawyers.

“As
I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the

first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must

be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Mayberry, are you an

honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me
tell you something about
honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father
lent me $15,000 for my
education, and I paid back every penny the
minute I tried my very first
case.”

“Impressive. And what sort
of case was that?” asked the investment
counselor.

The
lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the
money.”

written by Jokester

An American manufacturer is showing his
machine factory to a
potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the
lunch whistle blows,
two thousand men and women immediately stop
work and leave the building.

“Your workers, they’re escaping!”
cries the visitor. “You’ve got
to stop them.”

“Don’t worry,
they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed, at
exactly one
o’clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return
from
their break.

When the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his
guest and says,
“Well, now, which of these machines would you like
to order?”

“Forget the machines,” says the visitor. “How much do
you want for
that whistle?”

written by Jokester

The Mafia was looking for a new man to make

weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were

‘protecting.’ Feeling the heat from the police force, they decide
to use a
deaf person for this job, figuring if he were to get
caught, he
wouldn’t be able to communicate to the police what he was
doing.

In his first week, the deaf collector picks up more than
$40,000. He
gets greedy, decides to keep the money, and stashes it in
a safe place.

The Mafia boss soon realizes the collection is
late and sends some of
his thugs after the deaf collector. The thugs
drag the guy to an
interpreter.

The right-hand man says to
the interpreter, “Ask him where da money
is.”

The
interpreter signs, “Where’s the money?”

The deaf collector signs, “I
don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The interpreter tells
the main man, “He says he doesn’t know what
you’re talking abo
ut.”

The main man pulls out a .38 and places it in the ear of
the deaf
collector. “NOW ask him where da money is.”

The
interpreter signs, “Where is the money?”

The deaf collector
signs, “The $40,000 is in a tree stump in Central
Park just east of the
big fountain.”

The interpreter’s eyes light up, and he says to
the thug, “He says he
still doesn’t know what you’re talking
about, and doesn’t think you
have the guts to pull the trigger.”

written by Jokester

An Arthur Anderson partner comes
back to
his office and says to his manager, “Did you get my message
where I
said, ‘Ship the Enron documents to the Feds’?”

The manager
goes white. “Oh My God! I thought you said rip the Enron
documents to
shreds.”

written by Jokester

An applicant was filling out a job
application.
When he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” He

answered, “No.”

The next question, intended for people who
had answered in the
affirmative to the last one, was “Why?” The
applicant answered it anyway:
“Never got caught.”

written by Jokester

“Young man, do you think you can handle a
variety
of work?”

“I ought to be able to. I’ve had ten
different jobs in four
months.”

written by Jokester

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported
for his first day of
work. The manager greeted him with a warm
handshake and a smile, gave
him a broom and said, “your first job will
be to sweep out the store.”

“But I’m a college graduate,” the
young man replied indignantly.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t know
that,” said the manager. “Here, give
me the broom, I’ll show you
how.”

written by Jokester

The boss called one of his employees into the

office.

“Rob,” he said, “you’ve been with the company for
a year. You
started off in the post room, one week later you were
promoted to a sales
position, and one month after that you were
promoted to district manager
of the sales department.

“Just
four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now
it’s
time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company.

“What do you say to that?”

“Thanks,” said the employee.

“Thanks?” the boss replied. “Is that all you can say?”

“I
suppose not,” the employee said.

“Thanks, Dad.”

written by Jokester