Apr 30
A kid called up his
mom from his college
and asked her for some money, because he ran out
of it. His mom
said, “Sure, sweetie. I’ll will send you some money.
You also left
your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do
you want me
to send that up too?”
“Uhh, oh yeah, okay,” responded the
kid.
So his mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package
and
went to the post office to mail the money and the
book.
When she gets back, her husband asked, “Well how much did you give the
boy his time?”
She said, “Oh, I wrote 2 checks, one for $20
and the other for $1000
out to him.”
“That’s $1020!” yelled
her husband. Are you crazy?”
“Don’t worry, Hon,” she said. “I
taped the $20 check to the cover
of his book, but I put the $1000
one somewhere between the pages in
chapter 19!”
written by Jokester
Apr 30
Wouldn’t it be nice to tell the Dean of your
college what you REALLY think about him/her? Well, if you like your
Dean
as much as I like my Dean, then you’d better keep your mouth
shut. I
knew I’d get kicked out of the college if I expressed my
true feelings,
so I remained silent for the last four
years.
But yesterday was my graduation. And as I walked across the stage, the
Dean handed my diploma to me (nicely scrolled and tied with a
ribbon).
Once she handed it to me, I could finally tell that bitch
what I REALLY
thought about her. So I leaned across her podium and I
looked her
straight in the eye.
“Hey Bitch,” I said.
“You’re so damn ugly, you could practice birth
control just by leaving
the lights on!”
And then I walked off the stage, and went home. I
gotta tell you that
it felt just as good as I had imagined it would
for the last four years.
Today, I unwrapped my diploma, fr
amed it, and hung it in the living
room, where it proudly exclaims
to the world: “In order to receive your
diploma, please present
this certificate to the Dean of your college
after final grades have
been posted!”
written by Jokester
Apr 30
A college student was in a
philosophy
class which had a discussion about God’s existence. The professor
presented the following logic:
“Has anyone in this class heard God?”
Nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again,
nobody spoke.
“Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody
spoke for the third
time, he simply stated, “Then there is no
God.”
One student thought for a second, and then asked for permission to
reply. Curious to hear this bold student’s response, the professor
granted
it, and the student stood up and asked the following
questions of his
classmates:
“Has anyone in this class heard our
professor’s brain?” Silence.
“Has anyone in this class touched
our professor’s brain?” Silence.
“Has anyone in this class seen
our professor’s brain?”
When nobody in the class dared to
speak, the student concluded, “Then,
according to our professor’
s logic, it must be true that our professor
has no
brain!”
You can’t argue with that!
written by Jokester
Apr 30
A somewhat advanced society has figured
how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some
learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills
are
available.
The pharmacist says, “Here’s a pill for
English literature.”
The student takes the pill and swallows it and
has new knowledge about
English literature!
“What else do
you have?” asks the student.
“Well, I have pills for art history,
biology, and world history,”
replies the pharmacist.
The
student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge
about
those subjects. Then the student asks, “Do you have a pill for
math?”
The pharmacist says, “Wait just a moment.” He goes back into
the
storeroom and brings back a whopper of a pill and plunks it on
the counter.
“I have to take that huge pill for math?” inquires
the student.
The pharmacist replied, “Well, you know … mat
h always was a little
hard to swallow.”
written by Jokester
Apr 30
Optimist: A college student who opens his
wallet
and expects to find money.
written by Jokester
Apr 30
A college student in a philosophy class was
taking his first examination.
On the paper there was a single
line which simply said: “Is this a
question?” - Discuss.
After a short time he wrote: “If that is a question, then this is an
answer.”
The student received an “A” on the exam.
A
Boston brokerage house advertised for a “young Harvard graduate or
the
equivalent.”
Among the inquiries received was one from a Yale
grad. He said, “Do
you mean two Princeton men, or a Yale man part
time?”
written by Jokester
Apr 29
Professor: Heavens! Someone stole my wallet!
Wife: Didn’t you feel a hand in your pocket?
Professor Yes, but
I thought it was mine!
written by Jokester
Apr 29
Did you hear about the
Louisiana Tech
professor who stood in front of a mirror for two hours,
wondering where
he’d seen himself before?
written by Jokester
Apr 29
“Professor, I hear your wife has had twins.
Boys or girls?”
“Well, I believe one is a girl and one is a boy
but it may be the
other way around.”
written by Jokester
Apr 29
Astronomy Professor: What causes a half-moon?
Student:
When you can’t get your jeans over your thighs.
written by Jokester