Jan 28
Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in
Atlantis?
Because it is below C level.
Jan 28
They say that the new super computer
knows
everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, “Where is
my father?”
The computer bleeped for a short while, and then
came back with “Your
father is fishing in Michigan.”
The
skeptical man said triumphantly, “You see? I knew this was
nonsense. My
father has been dead for twenty years.”
“No”, replied the super
computer immediately. “Your mother’s
husband has been dead for
twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound
trout.”
Jan 28
The programmer to his son: “Here, I brought
you a new
basketball.”
“Thank you, daddy, but where is the user’s
guide?”
Jan 28
The problem
with physicists is that they
tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem with
mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
problems in order to get
results.
The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to
cheat at toy
problems in order to get results.
Jan 28
A software verifier read in the Bible
that
God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He
jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain,
and happily thinks: “I never really considered myself a fool, but I
never knew I was THAT clever!”
Jan 28
How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old
one.
“We looked at the light fixture and decided there’s no point trying
to maintain it. We’re going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait
two months?”
Jan 28
How many C++ programmers does it take to
change a light
bulb?
“You’re still thinking procedurally! A properly
designed light bulb
object would inherit a change method from a
generic light bulb
class!”
Jan 28
How many Java programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a “ChangeLightBulb” event to the
socket.
Jan 28
How many
IBM employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document
number GC7500439-001,
Multitasking Incadescent Source System
Facility, of which 10% of the
pages state only “This page intentionally
left blank”.
Jan 28
How many
technical writers does it take to
change a light bulb?
Just one, provided there’s a programmer around
to explain how to do
it.