May 09
When did the criminal get smart?
When the
judge threw the book at him.
May 09
Why is a sinking ship like a
person in
jail?
Because it needs bailing out.
May 09
What kind of party do prisoners in jail
like most of all.
A going-away party.
May 08
A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to
steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the
shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you
say I
just buy the watch, and we forget about this?”
The
manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the
slip and said, “This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can
you show me something less expensive?”
May 08
A computer geek goes to prison
for fraud,
they put him in a cell with a 300LB guy,
Having heard what
happens to geeks in prison and being nervous he
figures he had better
introduce himself, He extends his hand and says with a
quivering
voice, Hi my name is John Smith.
The big guy who actually is a nice
guy extends his and says my name is
Turner Brown.
The geek
passes out.
The big guy fans him and brings him too.
Why
did you pass out he asked?
The geek replies, what did you say
your name was?
Turner Brown he replies.
Oh God the geek
says I thought you said “TURN AROUND”.
May 08
It was
Rocky’s first night in the
penitentiary. All of the inmates were in
their cells and he was trying to
become a bit more comfortable with his
meager surroundings. As he
leaned against the bars at the front of his
cell, Rocky heard a voice
call out “44″ and the whole cell block
erupted
into laughter!
Another voice called “16″ and again there was
laughter. A
third
voice called “62″ which was followed by laughter throughout the
block.
Rocky didn’t know what was going on so he rapped on his cell
wall.
“Yeah, whaddaya want?” came the gruff reply from next
door.
“What’s going on, here?” asked Rocky.
“Well,” said the
other inmate, “down in the prison library there’s
only one
joke
book. We’ve all read the book so many times that we don’t waste
time
telling the joke, we just call out it’s number.”
So the
next day Rocky went down to the library and, sure enough, found
r
the
yellowed, dog-eared joke book and read it from cover to
cover. That
night,
wanting to be part of the group, Rocky
confidently called out “44″
and
everyone laughed! He tried calling “16″
and “62″ and again there
were peals
of laughter. Then he called
57, and the halls rang with laughter.
After several minutes, one
prisoner was still rolling on the floor
laughing.
More minutes -
still laughing. Rocky rapped on the cell wall. “Yeah,
waddaya want?”
asked the other inmate.
“I don’t understand it,” asked Rocky,
“Why is Bill still
laughing?”
“Well,” said the gruff inmate,
“He never heard that one
before!”
May 08
Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to
prison. During his stay, he
got along well with the guards and all his
fellow inmates. The warden saw
that deep down, Andy was a good
person and made arrangements for Andy
to learn a trade while doing his
time. After three years, Andy was
recognized as one of the best
carpenters in the local area. Often he would
be given a weekend pass
to do odd jobs for the citizens of the
community…. and he always
reported back to prison before Sunday night was
over.
The
warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done
much of the work himself. But he lacked the skills to build a set of
kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his
wife. So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the
job
for him.
But, alas, Andy refused. He told the warden,
Gosh, I’d really like to
help you but counter fitting is what go
t me into prison in the first
place.
May 08
Newsflash: Two criminals have escaped from
prison today. One is
orange and 9ft tall, and the other green and
yellow and 2ft Gin tall.
The police are searching high and low for
them.
May 08
Did you hear about the burglar who fell in
the
cement mixer?
Now he’s a hardened criminal.