May 13
What are you doing?
I’m trying to
call Washington!
Oh, haven’t you heard? He’s dead!
May 13
Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup
!
Yes, it’s the rotting meat that attracts them !
May 13
Q: What is the
definition of
Death?
A: When you stop paying taxes suddenly.
May 13
Three weeks after her wedding
day,
Joanna called her minister. “Reverend,” she wailed, “John and I
had
a DREADFUL fight!”
“Calm down, my child,” said the minister, “it’s
not half as bad as
you think it is. Every marriage has to have its
first fight!”
“I know, I know!” said Joanna, “but what am I going
to do with the
BODY?”
May 13
There was a great loss today in the
entertainment world. The
man who wrote the song “Hokey Pokey” died.
What was really horrible is
that they had trouble keeping the body in
the casket.
They put his left leg in….
Well, you know
the rest.
May 13
A dying man smells his favorite oatmeal
raisin cookies cooking downstairs. It takes all the strength he has
left but he gets up from the bed and crawls down the stairs. He
sees the
cookies cooling on the counter and staggers over to them. As
he reaches
for one, his wife’s wrinkled hand reaches out, smacks
his and she
yells:
“No, you can’t have those! They’re for the
funeral!”
May 12
What lies on the ground 100 feet up in
the air and smells?
A dead centipede.
May 12
What is the difference between a
musician and a
dead body?
One composes and the other decomposes.
May 12
What has four legs, a tail,
whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.
May 12
What do you call a man who has been
dead and buried for
thousands of years?
Pete.