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A nurse had to
take a patient
back to her room after surgery. Woman was still feeling the
effects of
the anesthetic and was rather confused. After nurse had made
her
comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who
asked,
“How is she?”
The nurse replied, “Oh, she’s quite dopey.”
One
of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she
healthwise?”

written by Jokester

When a car skidded on wet pavement
and struck a telephone pole,
several bystanders ran over to help the
driver.
A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed
in and
pushed her back.
“Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve
taken a course in first aid.”
The woman watched him for a few
minutes, then tapped his shoulder.
“Pardon me,” she said. “But when you
get to the part about calling a
doctor, I’m right here.”

written by Jokester

The patient: Tell me, is it true that

alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Doctor: Yes, that is
true.
P: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
D: Yes,
that is also true.
P: So, in average, I live normally.

written by Jokester

Jack: “My brother was sick and

went to the doctor.”
John: “Is he feeling better now?”
Jack: “No,
he has a broken arm.”
John: “How did he break it?”
Jack: “Well,
the doctor gave him a prescription and told him no matter
what
happened, to follow that prescription. And the prescription blew
out of
the window.”
John: “How did he break his arm?”
Jack: “He fell out
of the window trying to follow the
prescription.”

written by Jokester

Doctor: “Good news you passed your
hearing test!”
Patient: “HUH”

written by Jokester

“Doctor, doctor!” said the
panic-stricken woman,
“my husband was asleep with his mouth open, and he’s
swallowed a
mouse! What shall I do?”
“Quite simple,” said the
doctor calmly. “You just tie a lump of
cheese to a piece of string and
lower it into your husband’s mouth. As
soon as the mouse takes a
bite haul it out.”
“Oh, I see. Thank you, doctor. I’ll go around to
the fishmonger
straight away and get a cod’s head.”
“What do
you want a cod’s head for?”
“Oh- I forgot to tell you. I’ve got to
get the cat out first!”

written by Jokester

A coffin was being moved
when it
fell off a wagon, and started down the hill. One of the
morticians
started chasing it. As it rolled past the hospital, the mortician

yelled to one of the nurse practitioners walking by, “Doc, quick, give
me
something to stop this coffin.”

written by Jokester

The ninety-year-old man was in for

his checkup when the nurse practitioner learned he was about to marry
an
eighteen year old girl. “Now, Mr. Jenkins,” the nurse
practitioner
warned, “you should know that when a man your age marries an

eighteen-year-old girl, somebody could get hurt.” The old man
shrugged, “If she
dies, she dies.”

written by Jokester

1) Why did the nurse keep the bedpan
in the
refrigerator?
Because when she kept it in the freezer it
took too much skin off.

written by Jokester

How can you tell who is the head
nurse
of a facility? She’s the one with dirty knees.

written by Jokester