Jul 03
Only in America do we chain $2.00 ink pens to
the counter
but leave our $58,000 cars out in the driveway.
Jul 03
Q: Have you seen the
polish mine
detector.
A1: Put you fingers in your ears and start stamping the ground with
your foot.
Jul 02
Q: Where is the world’s
fastest chicken
from?
A: Ethiopia!
Jul 02
One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him
what he
wanted him to do.
After God had briefed him on his
mission, the minister decided to ask
him a question.
“God,”
he said, “What is heaven like?”
God replied, “Well, normally I
don’t tell people this, but since you
are my servant, I guess I
can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It
will have the best of
everything. For example, the French will be the
chefs; the Italians
will be the lovers; the English will be the
policeman; the Germans
will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the
politicians!”
The man looked pleased. “What is hell like?” he
asked.
“Well,” he said with a sigh, “the French will be the mechanics; the
Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the
Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers.”
Jul 02
Q:
What would you call an Arab who owns a
harem of cows?
A: A milk sheik!
Jul 02
The Englishman’s, Irishman’s and Scotsman’s
wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are
there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including
the
three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police
station where
a policewoman breaks the news to them: “I’m afraid
sirs, that we
believe your wives were killed in the fire at the
department store. However
the fire was so intense we cannot identify the
bodies. Only their
handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify
your wives’ handbags from
these three found in the store?”
The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify
one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags
accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief
in
peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the
Englishman opens
his wife’s handbag and rummages through the conte
nts, finally pulling
out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and
says “All these years married
and I never knew the old girl smoked.”
The Scotsman looks into his wife’s handbag and pulls out a
half-empty
bottle of scotch. “Jings, I knew her all that time an ah
didnae ken ma
missus drank.”
The Irishman empties his wife’s
handbag onto the floor, looks through
the contents and picks up a
half empty packet of condoms. “‘Saints
preserve us! All dese years
an oi never knew me wife was a man.”
Jul 02
Q:
What’s the highest position in the
Greek Navy?
A: Rear Admiral!
Jul 02
Q: How do you get a German out of the bath?
A: Turn on the water.
Jul 02
A French guy, an American guy and a Cuban guy
are standing on a cliff. The French guy throws a case of fine wine
off
the cliff. ”Why did you do that?”asked the other men.
”We have
plenty of fine wine in France,” said the man. Next, the
Cuban guy
throws a box of fine cigars off the cliff. ”Why did
you do that?”
asked the other men. ”We have plenty of cigars in
Cuba,” said the
Cuban man. Finally, the American man pickes up
the Cuban man and
throw’ him off the cliff. ”What did you do
that for?” asked the French
man. ”We have plenty of Cubans in
America,” answered the American
man.
Jul 02
Q: Why did the eskimo wash his clothes in Tide?
A: Because it was too cold outside.