Jul 06

A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But,
as time
went by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate.

The traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were being run

over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day he called the

sheriff’s office and said, “You’ve got to do something about all of
these
people driving so fast and killing all of my
chickens.”

“What do you want me to do?” asked the sheriff.

“I don’t care,
just do something about those drivers!”

So the next day he had
the county workers go out and erect a sign that
said: SLOW: SCHOOL
CROSSING

Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
“You’ve got
to do something about these drivers. The ’school
crossing’ sign seems
to make them go faster.”

So, again, the
sheriff sends out the county workers and they put up a
new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

And that really sped them up. So the f
armer called and called and
called everyday for three weeks.
Finally, he asked the sheriff, “Your signs
are doing no good. Is it all
right for me to put up my own sign?”

The sheriff told him, “Sure
thing, put up your own sign.” He was
going to let the farmer do
just about anything in order to have him stop
calling. Well, the
sheriff got no more calls from the farmer.

Three weeks after the
farmers last call, the sheriff decided to call
him. “How’s the problem
with those drivers. Did you put up your sign?”

“Oh, I sure did.
And not one chicken has been killed since then. I’ve
got to go.
I’m very busy.” And he hung up the phone.

The sheriff thought to
himself, “I’d better go to that farmer’s
house and look at that
sign… There might be something there that WE could
use to slow
down drivers.”

So the sheriff drove out to the farmer’s house, and
he saw the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And writte
n in large yellow letters
were the words: SLOW: NUDIST COLONY

written by Jokester

Jul 06

“Tell me,” said the hiker to the
local
farmer, “will this pathway take me to the main road?”
“No, sir,”
replied the farmer, “you’ll have to go by yourself!”

written by Jokester

Jul 06

How did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They
trod on his corn.

written by Jokester

Jul 06

Q: When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When
he turns his cow to pasture.

written by Jokester

Jul 06

Q: Why did the farmer call his
pig
“Ink”?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.

written by Jokester

Jul 06

A Texan farmer goes
to Australia for a
vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets
talking. The Aussie
shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says,
“Oh! We have
wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.

Then they walk
around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his
herd of cattle.
The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that
are at least
twice as large as your cows”.

The conversation has, meanwhile,
almost died when the Texan sees a herd
of kangaroos hopping through
the field. He asks, “And what are
those”?

The Aussie asks
with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any
grasshoppers in
Texas”?

written by Jokester

Jul 06

A farmer purchased an old, run-down, abandoned
farm
with plans to turn it into a thriving enterprise. The fields
were grown
over with weeds, the farmhouse was falling apart, and the
fences were
broken down. During his first day of work, the town
preacher stops by to
bless the man’s work, saying, “May you and God
work together to make
this the farm of your dreams!” A few months
later, the preacher stops
by again to call on the farmer. Lo and
behold, it’s a completely
different place. The farm house is
completely rebuilt and in excellent
condition, there is plenty of cattle and
other livestock happily munching on
feed in well-fenced pens, and
the fields are filled with crops planted
in neat rows. “Amazing!”
the preacher says. “Look what God and you
have accomplished
together!” “Yes, reverend,” says the farmer, “but
remember what the farm was
like when God was working it alone!”

written by Jokester

Jul 06

Did you hear about the farmer’s boy who hated

the country ? He went to the big city and got a job as a shoeshine
boy
and so the farmer made hay while the sun shone !

written by Jokester

Jul 06

Why was the farmer
hopping mad ?

Because someone had trodden on his corn !

written by Jokester

Jul 06

Camper: Is it easy to milk
a
cow?
Farmer: Sure it is. Any jerk can do it.

written by Jokester

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