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The producer of a low budget film is

trying to convince the newly hired director of the quality of the work
by
telling him the big names they’ve gotten for the cast.

“First of all,” he tells him, “We’ve got Gibson in the lead.”

The director is surprised, “You got Mel Gibson?”

“Well, no,”
the Producer responds, “we got Marvin Gibson, he’s a
distant cousin
who lives in Queens, but he’s very up and coming. And
besides,
we’ve also got Redford.”

“You got Robert Redford?” the director
asks.

“No, we got Jeremy Redford, but he’s very talented and
has lots of
acting experience from years of dinner theater. But,” he
says
enthusiastically, ” we’ve got Streisand and in a singing
role.”

“Barbara Streisand?” he asks.

“No, Elizabeth
Streisand.” The Producer responds. “But she’s got a
great voice. AND
we’ve got Goulet.”

“You got Robert Goulet?” the director asks.

“Yeah,” the producer replies glumly, “we got Robert
Goulet.”

written by Jokester

One
agent stops by another agent’s
table to tell him the big news: “Elvis
just died!”

The
second agent says nothing, then starts nodding. “Good career
move.”

written by Jokester

Denied membership in an exclusive country
club because he was an
actor, biblical epic star Victor Mature is
reported to have said “Hell,
I’m no actor, and I’ve got thirty
movies to prove it!”

written by Jokester

Why was the
actor pleased to be on
the gallows?
Because at last he was in the noose.

written by Jokester

Fred: I’d love to be an
actress.

Harry: Break a leg then! Amy: Whatever for?
Fred: Then you’d be
in a cast for weeks.

written by Jokester

An actor went to see a new agent one day

and said, `You must have a look at my act, it really is
innovative.’

So saying, he flew up to the ceiling, circled the room a few
times and
landed smoothly on the agent’s desk.

`So you do
bird impressions,’ said the agent, `what else can you
do?’

written by Jokester

What’s the definition of a good actor?

Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself.

written by Jokester

Neighbour:
Haven’t I seen you on TV?

Actor: Well, I do appear, on and off, you know. How do you like me?

Neighbour: Off.

written by Jokester

A bit-part actor finally got his first
leading role
in a major film. In one scene the actor had to jump off
a high diving
board in to a swimming pool. He climed to the top of
the board, looked
down and promptly climbed down
again.

`What’s the matter?’ asked the director.

`I can’t jump from that
board!’ said the actor. `Do you know there’s
only one foot of
water in that pool?’

‘Yes,’ said the director. `We don’t want
you to drown, you
know.’

written by Jokester

Why does an actor enjoy his work so
much?
Because it’s all play.

written by Jokester