Oct 26
An American tourist found himself in a sleepy
country village, and
asked one of the locals the age of the oldest
inhabitant.
“Well, sir,” replied the villager, “we ain’t got one
now. He died
last week.”
Oct 26
Fred: I haven’t slept a wink for the past two
nights.
Harry: Why’s that?
Fred: Granny broke her leg. The
doctor put it in plaster and told her
she shouldn’t walk upstairs.
You should hear the row when she climbs up
the drainpipe.
Oct 26
How old is your Grandma? I dunno, but we’ve
had him a
long time.
Oct 26
How can you tell an old person from a young
person?
An old person can sing and brush their teeth at the same
time.
Oct 26
Why is it easy to break in to an old man’s
house?
Because his gait is broken, and his locks are few.
Oct 26
My grandma has so
many wrinkles she has to
screw her hat on.
Oct 26
“Grandma, why don’t you
drink tea
anymore?” “I don’t like it ever since that tea bag got
stuck in my
throat.”
Oct 26
An 80-year-old man is having his annual
checkup.
The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. “I’ve never been
better!” he
replies. “I’ve got an 18-year-old bride who’s pregnant and
having my
child! What
do you think about that?”
The doctor
considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell
you a
story. I know a guy who’s an avid hunter. He never misses a
season.
But one day he’s in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his
umbrella instead of his gun.”
“So he’s in the woods,” the
doctor continues, “and suddenly a
grizzly bear appears in front of him!
He raises up his umbrella, points it
at the bear, and squeezes the
handle. The bear drops dead in front of
him, suffering from a
bullet wound in his its chest.”
“That’s impossible! Someone else
must have shot that bear,” the man
said.
“Exactly.”
Oct 26
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many
decades.
Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and
adventures.
Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week
to play cards.
One day they were playing
cards when one looked at the other and said,
“Now don’t get mad at
me… I know we’ve been friends for a long
time, but I just can’t
remember your name. I’ve thought and thought, but
I can’t recall
it. Please tell me what your name is.”
Her friend glared at her.
For at least three minutes she just looked at
her.
Finally
she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
Oct 26
Seventy-two-year-old Edgar recently picked a
new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab
tests,
the doctor said Edgar was doing “fairly well” for his
age.
A little concerned about that comment, Edgar couldn’t resist asking
the doctor, “Do you think I’ll live to be 80?”
The doctor
asked, “Well, do you smoke or drink beer?”
“Oh no,” Edgar
replied, “I’ve never done either.”
Then the doctor asked, “Do you eat
rib-eye steaks and bar-b-qued
ribs?”
Edgar said, “No, I’ve
heard that all red meat is very unhealthful!”
“Do you spend a
lot of time in the sun, like playing golf?” the
doctor
asked.
“No, I don’t,” Edgar replied.
Then the doctor asked, “Do you
gamble, drive fast cars, or run around
with women?”
“No,”
Edgar said, “I don’t do any of those things.”
The good doctor
looked at Edgar and said, “Then why the heck do you
want to live to
be 80?”