Nov 21
What’s the moral of the story
about
Jonah and the whale ?
You can’t keep a good man down !
Nov 21
Q. How do you make holy water?
A. Boil
the hell out of it.
Nov 21
A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers
asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following
Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she
had
learned.
Susie said, “He was born in a manger.”
Bobby
said, “He threw the money changers out of the temple.”
Little Johnny
said, “He has a red pickup truck but he doesn’t know
how
to
drive it.”
Curious, the teacher asked, “And where did you learn that,
Johnny?”
“From my Daddy,” said Johnny. “Yesterday we were driving
down the
highway,
and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of
us and Daddy yelled at
him,
‘Jesus Christ! Why don’t you learn
how to drive?’”
Nov 20
Before performing a baptism, the priest
approached the
young father and
said solemnly, “Baptism is a
serious step. Are you prepared for it?”
“I think so,” the man replied. “My
wife has made appetizers and we
have a
caterer coming to
provide plenty of cookies and cakes for all of our
guests.”
“I don’t
mean that,” the priest responded. “I mean, are you
prepared
spiritually?”
“Oh, sure,” came the reply. “I’ve got a keg of beer and a
case of
whiskey.”
Nov 20
This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it
important to
own an equally
fundamentally Christian pet. So,
they went shopping.
At a kennel specializing in this particular breed,
they found a dog
they
liked quite a lot. When they asked the dog
to fetch the Bible, he did
it
in a flash. When they instructed
him to look up Psalm 23, he complied
equally fast, using his paws
with dexterity. They were impressed,
purchased the animal, and went
home (piously, of course).
That night they had friends over. They
were so proud of their new
fundamentalist dog and his major skills,
they called the dog and showed
off a little.
The friends were
impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do
any
of the
usual dog tricks, as well. This stopped the couple cold, as they
hadn’t thought about “normal” tricks.
Well, they said, “let’s try this
out.”
Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounce
d the command,
“Heel!”
Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put
his paw on the man’s forehead,
closed his eyes in concentration, and
bowed his head.
Nov 20
A little boy
was learning about God in
his church, and he was talking to
his mother about it. She, not
wanting to place prejudice in the little
boy’s mind, sat him and said:
“God is not a man or a woman, and God
is not
black or
white.”
To which the child responded, “Well, then is God Michael Jackson?”
Nov 20
Johnny is walking along and a priest is
coming the other way. Johnny says,
“Hey, mister, why are you
wearing your collar backwards?”
The priest says, “Because I’m a
father.”
Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t
wear
his collar backwards.”
The priest says “You don’t
understand, son. I have thousands of
children.”
Johnny says, “You
should wear your trousers backwards.”
Nov 20
A man
walked into a gift shop that sold
religious items. Near
the cash register he saw a display of caps
with “WWJD”
printed on all of them. He was puzzled over what the
letters
could mean, but couldn’t figure it out, so he asked the
clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for “What Would
Jesus
Do”, and was meant to inspire people to not make rash
decisions, but
rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the
same
situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, “Well, I’m damn
sure
Jesus wouldn’t pay $17.95 for one of these caps.”
Nov 20
Is there a
God?
A billion Hindus
can’t be wrong.