JokzBlog.com

What is the
best way to follow a lost dog’s
paw prints?
With a track-tor!

written by Jokester

What dog rides a horse named Macaroni?
Yankee
poodle!

written by Jokester

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a

dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.

written by Jokester

What do you get when you cross a
Doberman with
a bird?
A Doberman fincher!

written by Jokester

Why did the dog jump into the sea?
He wanted to
chase the catfish!

written by Jokester

Why does the Hound of the
Baskervilles turn
round and round before he lies down for the night?
Because he’s the
watchdog and he has to wind himself up.

written by Jokester

What do you
get if you cross a labrador and a
tortoise ?
A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and
bring back last
weeks paper !

written by Jokester

Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats

anything. Especially fond of children.

written by Jokester

Two women, who are dog owners,
are arguing
which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he
waits for the
paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper
and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know.
First one:
How?
Second one: My dog told me.

written by Jokester

Q: What’s got four legs and no ears?
A: Mike
Tyson’s dog.

written by Jokester

Q.Why is a dog scared of a fire?
A.It doesn’t
want to become a hot dog.

written by Jokester

What game do 18 dogs like to
play during the
summer?

Woofleball

written by Jokester

Why did the 3-legged dog go back to Dodge City?

To see who shot his “paw.”

written by Jokester

Q. What did the dog say when he sat on
sand
paper?
A. “Rough rough”.

written by Jokester

A hound dog and a dalmation were sitting in an

Internet cafe and the
dalmation said to the hound, “Hey, check out
my web site!” The hound
asked
for the address and the dalmation
responded,
“www.dalmation.dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot-dot.

written by Jokester

What dog takes the money and runs fast!
A
payhound!

written by Jokester

What dog always gets on everyone’s nerves?
A
great pane!

written by Jokester

When are Pomeranians good at taking photographs?

Only when they snap at something!

written by Jokester

What dogs never get lost?
Newfound-lands!

written by Jokester

How can you make a basset hound fast?
Take
away its food!

written by Jokester

What dog sweats the most and drinks the most

water?
A hot-weiler!

written by Jokester

What should you do if you have a basset hound over
for
dinner?
Have a short table!

written by Jokester

If a beagle can’t play a bugle in the marching

band, what’s his other favorite instrument to play?
A
trombone.

written by Jokester

Which dog eats with its tail?
All dogs keep
their tails on when eating.

written by Jokester

How do you make a dog
float?
Take two
scoops of ice cream, a couple of squirts of soda and a small
dog.

written by Jokester

What is your dog’s favorite breakfast?

Pooched eggs!

written by Jokester

Where will a springer spaniel never shop?
At a
flea market!

written by Jokester

Alsation: How did you find the fleas?
Beagle:
I didn’t! They found me!

written by Jokester

What do you call an alcoholic dog ?
A whino
!

written by Jokester

How did the dog make anti-freeze?
He stole her
blanket.

written by Jokester

How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None. They
are all on the outside.

written by Jokester

Why is a dog like a baseball
player?
He
runs for home when he sees the catcher coming.

written by Jokester

Why didn’t the dog
speak to his foot
?
Because it’s not polite to talk back to your paw !

written by Jokester

When does a dog go “moo” ?
When it is learning
a new language !

written by Jokester

What did the dog use to make his

kite?
Flypaper.

written by Jokester

What kind of modeling clay does a dog use?

Fi-Do!

written by Jokester

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?
A
petticoat !

written by Jokester

How did the dog’s owner know his pet was angry
about
having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.

written by Jokester

When George Washington was a general, why did he

like to have dogs around?
They were very helpful during the
“Roverlutionary War!”

written by Jokester

How can if
you have a stupid dog ?
It
chases parked cars !

written by Jokester

What is the difference between Father

Christmas and a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!

written by Jokester

What is the best kind of dog to ask for

directions?
A Chihuahua, because it knows all the shortcuts!

written by Jokester

What artistic dog
chews a lot and follows the
rules of the farm where it lives?
A Chihuahua that can draw and
gnaw while obeying the law and lying on
straw!

written by Jokester

What do you call a black Eskimo dog ?
A dusky
husky !

written by Jokester

What is the only breed of dog a boxer is afraid
of?
A Doberman puncher!

written by Jokester

What has eighteen legs and fetches a ball?
The
Philadelphia Beagles!

written by Jokester

What kind of dog can you best see in the
dark?

A glowberman pinscher!

written by Jokester

What is a collie puppy’s favorite toy?
A
chew-chew train!

written by Jokester

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire
haired terriers !!

written by Jokester

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud
hound !

written by Jokester

What dog is always tired in London?
An English
sleep dog.

written by Jokester

What kind of dog is the most colorful?
A paint
Bernard!

written by Jokester

What wears a black, white, and tan coat but has no

hair?
A bald beagle!

written by Jokester

What kind of dog always needs a shave?
A
bearded collie!

written by Jokester

What kind of dog can tell time?
A
clockshund!

written by Jokester

What dog wears a white coat and does science

experiments?
Labs!

written by Jokester

What do you get when you cross a sled dog with an
elephant?
A tusky!

written by Jokester

Every time I tell my English Setter to stop
barking, it
never does!
What does it do?
It just stands on its
back two legs and quotes Shakespeare!
What?
Yeah, it says, “To
bark or not to bark that is the question!” and
keeps on barking!

written by Jokester

What kind of dog doesn’t do well in hot weather?

A faint Bernard!

written by Jokester

What is the best kind of dog to direct traffic at
a
busy intersection?
A pointer!

written by Jokester

What do you get when you cross a collie with a

trumpet?
A Lassie who plays brassie!

written by Jokester

What dog do other dogs go to when they
are
sick?
A docs-hund!

written by Jokester

How did the little Scottish dog feel when he saw a

monster ?
Terrier-fied !

written by Jokester

What dog would you want on your American football

team?
A golden receiver!

written by Jokester

What kind of dog is the smartest?
A great
brain!

written by Jokester

What dog wears contact lenses ?
A cock-eyed
spaniel !

written by Jokester

What dog do other dogs tell their problems to?

A complaint Bernard!

written by Jokester

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a

meal ?
That hit the spots !

written by Jokester

What kind of dog is a person’s best friend?
A
palmatian!

written by Jokester

Why is it hard for Chihuahuas to type on a
keyboard?
They’re all paws.

written by Jokester

How are you going to pay the Chihuahua who helped

you to set up your computer?
With dog diskettes!

written by Jokester

What kind of computers do chihuahuas like
best?
Lap-top!

written by Jokester

What does a Chihuahua play basketball with?
A
tennis ball!

written by Jokester

Alsation: Was your master playing catch with you?

Chihuahua: No, I was playing throw with her!

written by Jokester

What is a Chihuahua’s
favorite sport?

Miniature golf!

written by Jokester

What kind of leash should you buy for a Chihuahua?

A short one!

written by Jokester

A Chihuahua was shopping in a mall when another
shopper
walked up to it and started talking.
Didn’t I see you on
a TV commercial?
How am I supposed to know what you watch on TV?

written by Jokester

Why should you never watch a video with a

Chihuahua?
It always plays with the “paws” button on the VCR.

written by Jokester

What is brown
and gray, has eight legs, and is
carrying a large trunk and a small
trunk?
A Chihuahua on
vacation with an elephant.

written by Jokester

Alsation: What is your
favorite holiday?

Chihuahua: Howloween!

written by Jokester

Alsation: Why do you like to go on camping

trips?
Chihuahua: I like to “ruff it!

written by Jokester

I just spotted a Chihuahua!
That wasn’t very
nice, you shouldn’t draw on dogs!

written by Jokester

Why are Chihuahuas such good bedtime storytellers?

They have short tales!

written by Jokester

Alsation: I’ll see you shortly.
Chihuahua:
Okay, but don’t call me “Shortly!”

written by Jokester

Alsation: How come
you are always so well
behaved when you go on a walk with your master?
Chihuahua: It’s the
leash I can do!

written by Jokester

How did the Chihuahua disappear
on the road?

It was using a hide-’n-go-seekle!

written by Jokester

Why do Chihuahuas have such short
necks?

Because their heads are so close to their bodies!

written by Jokester

What did the elephant say when it saw the

Chihuahuas coming down the road?
Look out for the mice!

written by Jokester

Why can’t Chihuahuas run marathons?
They’re
short of breath!

written by Jokester

What is black and white and red all over?
A
Chihuahua in a tuxedo that tripped into a jar of salsa!

written by Jokester

What kind
of pants do you buy for your pet
Chihuahua?
Shorts!

written by Jokester

What do you do when a Chihuahua sneezes?
Get a
small hankie!

written by Jokester

Where do you take a Chihuahua that has fallen into

a lake?
To a weterinarian!

written by Jokester

Which dog looks like a cat?
A police dog in
disguise.

written by Jokester

Which dog tastes better when eaten?
A hot
dog.

written by Jokester

Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato
fell on
his head?
The tomato was in a can.

written by Jokester

Why did the dog mistake the dog catcher for
a
grape?
He was colour-blind.

written by Jokester

Why did the dog run in circles?
He was a
watchdog and needed winding.

written by Jokester

Why did the dog say he was an
actor?
His
leg was in a cast.

written by Jokester

Why did the dog sleep so poorly?
By mistake he
plugged his electric blanket into the toaster and kept
popping out
of bed all night!

written by Jokester

Why did the dog’s owner think his dog
was a
great mathematician?
When he asked the dog what six minus six was,
the dog said
nothing.

written by Jokester

Why did the thoughtful father buy his six children
a dachshund?
He wanted a dog they could all pet at once.

written by Jokester

Why didn’t the dog play
cards on his ocean
cruise?
Because the captain stood on the deck.

written by Jokester

Why do dogs turn around three
times before
lying down?
One good turn deserves another.

written by Jokester

Why does a d dog scratch himself?
He is the
only one that knows where it itches.

written by Jokester

Why doesn’t a dog
ever have a nose 12 inches
long?
Because then it would be a foot.

written by Jokester

Why is a dog like a baseball player?
He runs
for home when he sees the catcher coming.

written by Jokester

Why is a dog so
warm in Summer?
He wears a
coat and pants.

written by Jokester

Why was the mother flea so unhappy?
All her
children had gone to the dogs.

written by Jokester

Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or

a tiger?
I’d rather have him chase the tiger.

written by Jokester

Why is a dog with a lame leg
like adding 6 and
7s?
He puts down the three and carries the one.

written by Jokester

My dog is great at math.
Really ?
Ask him
how much is two minus two.
But two minus two is nothing!

That’s what he’ll answer, nothing!

written by Jokester

A man and his son were
shovelling the driveway
after a heavy snowfall when their dog, Lady, wandered
away from
them. Man, fearing the dog might be hit by car, shouted
angrily:
“Lady! Lady! Get over here right now!” The dog charged happily back
over
to them, accompanied by a commuter who had been standing at the
bus
stop. “Yes, sir, what can I do for you?” she asked.

written by Jokester

Four workers
were discussing how smart their
dogs were. The first was an engineer
who said his dog could draw.
His dog’s name was “T-Square”, and he
told him to get some paper and
draw a square, a circle and a triangle,
which he did with no sweat.

The accountant said he thought his dog, “Balance”, could do better.

He told him to fetch a dozen cookies and divide them into piles of

three, which he did with no problem.
The chemist said that was
a very good stunt, but that his dog,
“Apothecary”, could do better
yet. He told his dog to get a quart of milk and
pour seven ounces
into a ten ounce glass. Apothecary did this without a
hitch.
All
three men agreed their dogs were equally smart. They turned to the

Civil Servant and asked him what his dog could do. The Civil Servant

called his dog, whose name was “Coffee break”, and said, “Show the

fellows what you can do, old buddy.” Coffee Break then stroll
ed over and
ate the cookies, drank the milk, shit on the paper,
screwed the other
three dogs and claimed he injured his back while
doing so. He then filed
a grievance for unsafe conditions, applied
for Workers’ Compensation,
and left for home on sick leave.

written by Jokester

I bought a dog the other day… I named him Stay.
It’s fun
to call him…
“Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!” He went insane.
Now he just
ignores me and keeps typing. He’s an East German
Shepherd.

written by Jokester

The front door
was accidentally left open and
our dog was gone. After unsuccessfully
whistling and calling, my
husband got in the car and went looking for
him. He drove around the
neigbourhood for some time with no luck. Finally
he stopoed beside
a couple out for a walk and asked if they had seen
our dog. “You
mean the one following your car?” they asked.

written by Jokester

What dog
is a cousin to the Dalmatian?
A
spot-weiler!

written by Jokester

Dad, I spotted a Dalmatian!
No need to, it
already has its own spots!

written by Jokester

What do you call a boring
dog?
A
dull-mation!

written by Jokester

What did the dog take when he was run down?
The
license number of the car that hit him.

written by Jokester

What did the dog use to
make his
kite?
Flypaper.

written by Jokester

What happened to the dog that fell into a

lens-grinding machine?
He made a spectacle of himself.

written by Jokester

What happened when the shaggy dog
swallowed a
teaspoon?
He wasn’t able to stir.

written by Jokester

What has 2,000 eyes and 4,000 feet?
A thousand
dogs.

written by Jokester

What is a baseball dog?
One that chases
fowls.

written by Jokester

What is a dog who crosses the street twice in

an hour?
A double crosser.

written by Jokester

What is black and white and red all over?
A
Dalmatian with a bad sunburn.

written by Jokester

What is taller when it sits down than
when it
stands up?
A dog.

written by Jokester

What is the difference between a barking dog and
an umbrella?
The umbrella can be shut up.

written by Jokester

What is the difference between a dog and
a
mailbox?
If you don’t know you must lose a lot of mail.

written by Jokester

What is worse than a
dog howling at the
moon?
Two dogs howling at the moon.

written by Jokester

What looks like a dog, sounds like a dog, eats
like
a dog, but isn’t a dog?
A pup.

written by Jokester

What place of business helps dogs who have lost
their tails?
A retail store.

written by Jokester

What should you do if you find an angry 500-pound
dog
in your kitchen?
Eat out.

written by Jokester

What should you do if you see a vicious
dog?
Hope he doesn’t see you.

written by Jokester

What should you know before you teach your
dog
a new trick?
You should know more than your dog.

written by Jokester

What was the dog doing on the turnpike?
About
seven miles an hour.

written by Jokester

What would you call a nine day old dog in

Russia?
A puppy.

written by Jokester

What would you get if you crossed a chicken with a
dog?
A hen that lays pooched eggs.

written by Jokester

When is a dog most impolite?
When he points.

written by Jokester

When you catch your dog eating a dictionary, what

should you do?
Take the words right out of his mouth.

written by Jokester

Where do you usually find dogs?
It all depends
on where you lose them.

written by Jokester

Which dog can tell time?
A watchdog.

written by Jokester

Which dog eats with its tail?
All dogs keep
their tails on when eating.

written by Jokester

Which dog is always without
a tail?
A hot
dog.

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a
computer and a
Rottweiller ?
A computer with a lot of bites !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a dog
with a
kangaroo?
A dog that has somewhere to put its own lead !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you
cross a dog and a sheep
?
A sheep that can round itself up !

written by Jokester

What do you get if cross two young dogs with a
pair
of headphones ?
Hush puppies !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a dog with a frog
?
A dog that can lick you from the other side of the road!

written by Jokester

What do you
call a litter of young dogs who
have come in from the snow ?
Slush puppies !

written by Jokester

What do you call a dog with no legs ?
It
doesn’t matter what you call him, he still won’t come !

written by Jokester

How do
you feel if you cross a sheepdog with a
melon ?
Melon-collie !

written by Jokester

What do you call a black Eskimo dog ?
A dusky
husky !

written by Jokester

What do you call a sheepdog’s tail that can tell

tall stories ?
A shaggy dogs tale !

written by Jokester

Why did the dog have a gleam in his
eye?
Someone bumped his elbow while he was brushing his teeth.

written by Jokester

Why do dogs
run in circles ?
Because its
hard to run in squares !

written by Jokester

How do you find your dog if
he’s lost in the
woods ?
Put your ear up to a tree and listen for the bark !

written by Jokester

How can you tell a dog from a tomato?
The
tomato is red.

written by Jokester

How can you tell a dog from an elephant?
The
elephant remembers.

written by Jokester

How did the dog feel when he lost his

flashlight?
Delighted.

written by Jokester

How did the dog get into the locked cemetery at
night?
He used a skeleton key.

written by Jokester

How did the dog make anti-freeze?
He stole her
blanket.

written by Jokester

How did the dog make gold soup?
He put in 24
carrots.

written by Jokester

How did the dog’s owner know his pet was angry

about having soap flakes for breakfast?
He foamed at the mouth.

written by Jokester

How do you keep a dog from barking in your

front yard?
Put him in your back yard.

written by Jokester

What did the dog do when the panhandler
put
the bite on him?
Bit him, naturally.

written by Jokester

What did the dog do with the history
professor?
They got together and talked over old times.

written by Jokester

What did the dog get when he multiplied 497 by
684?
The wrong answer.

written by Jokester

What did the dog say to the pig?
You are just a
bore.

written by Jokester

What did the dog say when he chased his
tail?
This is the end.

written by Jokester

When is the
most likely time that a stray dog
will walk into your house ?
When the door is open !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a dog and a

cheetah ?
A dog that chases cars - and catches them !

written by Jokester

What kind of dog sounds
like you can eat it
?
A sausage dog !

written by Jokester

What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a
meal
?
That hit the spots !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a

hyena ?
I don’t know but I’ll join in if it laughs !

written by Jokester

What do dogs have that
no other animal has
?
Puppy dogs !

written by Jokester

What do you call an alcoholic dog ?
A whino
!

written by Jokester

What is a dog’s favourite sport ?
Formula 1
drooling !

written by Jokester

What is a dog’s favourite food ?
Anything that
is on your plate !

written by Jokester

What dog wears contact lenses ?
A cock-eyed
spaniel !

written by Jokester

What is a dogs favourite flower ?
Anything in
your garden !

written by Jokester

What’s a dog favourite hobby ?
Collecting
fleas !

written by Jokester

How many seasons are there in a dogs life
?
Just one, the moulting season !

written by Jokester

Why is it called a “litter” of
puppies
?
Because they mess up the whole house !

written by Jokester

How do you stop a dog smelling ?
Put a peg on
it’s nose !

written by Jokester

When does a dog go “moo” ?
When it is learning
a new language !

written by Jokester

What kind of dog chases anything
red ?
A
bull dog !

written by Jokester

What kind of dog wears a uniform and medals ?
A
guard dog !

written by Jokester

What do you call a dog in jeans and a sweater
?
A plain clothes police dog !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a

jelly ?
The collie wobbles !

written by Jokester

Why do you need a licence for a dog and not for

a cat ?
Cats can’t drive !

written by Jokester

What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy

road ?
A mutt in a rut !

written by Jokester

When is a black dog not a black dog ?
When
it’s a greyhound !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a dog with a

blind mole ?
A dog that keeps barking up the wrong tree !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a Beatle and an

Australian dog ?
Dingo Starr !

written by Jokester

What happens to a dog that keeps eating bits off
of the
table ?
He gets splinters in his mouth !

written by Jokester

Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by

boat and one says to
the other, “I hear
that the occupants of
this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her
companion replies, “but
if we shall live in America, we might as well do
as the Americans
do.” Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points
to a hot dog
vendor and they both walk toward him. “Two dogs,
please,” says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both
hot dogs
in oil. Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to
unwrap
their ‘dogs.’ The mother superior is first to open hers.
Staring
at it for a moment, she leans over to the other nun and whispers

cautiously, “What part did you get?”

written by Jokester

Small girl: I’d buy that dog, but
his legs
are too short! Clerk: Too short ? Why, all four of them touch
the
floor.

written by Jokester

Where did the dog breeder keep his savings ? In
bark-lays
bank !

written by Jokester

What dogs are best for sending telegrams ?
Wire
haired terriers !!

written by Jokester

What do you call a happy Lassie ?
A jolly
collie !

written by Jokester

What do you call a nutty dog in Australia ?
A
dingo-ling !

written by Jokester

What kind of dog sniffs out new flowers ?
A bud
hound !

written by Jokester

Why didn’t the dog speak to his foot ?
Because
it’s not polite to talk back to your paw !

written by Jokester

What is the dogs
favourite city ?
New
Yorkie !

written by Jokester

Who is the dogs favourite comedian ?
Growlcho
Marx !

written by Jokester

What did the cowboy say when the bear ate
Lassie?
“Well, doggone !”

written by Jokester

What do you get if you take a really big dog out

for a walk ?
A Great Dane out !

written by Jokester

What kind of meat do you give a stupid dog
?
Chump chops !

written by Jokester

What sort of clothes does a pet dog wear ?
A
petticoat !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a sheepdog with a
rose?
A collie-flower !

written by Jokester

Why did the poor dog chase his own tail ?
He
was trying to make both ends meet !

written by Jokester

What did the angry man sing
when he found his
slippers chewed up by the new puppy ?
“I must throw that doggie out
the window !”!

written by Jokester

Why do dogs wag their
tails ?
“Because no
one else will do it for them !”

written by Jokester

What happened to the
dog that ate nothing but
garlic ?
His bark was much worse than it’s bite !

written by Jokester

Why do dogs bury bones in
the ground
?
Because you can’t bury them in trees !

written by Jokester

What happened when the dog went to the flea circus

?
He stole the show !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross a dog with Concorde

?
A jet setter !

written by Jokester

Why did the dog wear white sneakers ?
Because
his boots were at the menders !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross
a giraffe with a
dog ?
An animal that barks at low flying aircraft !

written by Jokester

Where do Eskimos train
their dogs ?
In the
mush room !

written by Jokester

What is the difference between Father Christmas
and
a warm dog ?
Father Christmas wears a whole suit, a dog just
pants!

written by Jokester

A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed

three men and a dog playing cards. The dog was exhibiting an
extraordinary
performance.
“That is a very smart dog,” the man
commented.

“He’s not so smart,” said one of the irked players. “Every
time he
gets a good hand he wags his tail.”

written by Jokester

A man took his Rottweiler to the
vet and said
to him, “My dogs cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do
for it?”

“Well,” said the vet “let’s have a look at him” The vet picks the

dog up by the ears and has a good look at its eyes.

“Well,”
says the vet “I’m going to have to put him down.”

“Just
because he’s cross-eyed?” say’s the man.

“No, because he’s heavy,”
says the vet.

written by Jokester

A local business was
looking for office help.
They put a sign in the window, stating the
following: “HELP WANTED.
Must be able to type, must be good with a computer
and must be
bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer.”
A short time
afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign
and went inside.
He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then
walked over
to the sign, looked at it and whined.

Getting the idea, the
receptionist got the office manager. The office
manager looked at the
dog and was surprised, to say the least. However,
the dog looked
determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the
dog jumped up
on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said,
“I can’t
hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type.”

The dog
jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a

perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager

and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager
was
stunned, but then told the dog, “The sign says you have to be
good with a
computer.”

The dog jumped down again and went to
the computer. The dog proceeded
to enter and execute a perfect
program, that worked flawlessly the first
time.

By this time the
manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog
and said, “I
realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some

interesting abilities. However, I still can’t give you the job.”

The
dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on
the
sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer.

The manager said, “Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be

bilingual”.

The dog looked at the manager calmly and said
“Meow”.

written by Jokester

Paul got off
the elevator on the 40th floor
and nervously knocked on his blind
date’s door. She opened it and
was as beautiful and charming as everyone
had said.
“I’ll be
ready in a few minutes,” she said. “Why don’t you play
with Rollo
while you’re waiting? He does wonderful tricks. He rolls
over, shakes
hands, sits up, and if you make a hoop with your arms, he’ll
jump
through.”

The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started
rolling over. Paul
made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
– and over the
balcony railing. Just then Paul’s date walked out.

“Isn’t Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?”

“To tell the the truth,” he replied, “he seemed a little depressed

to me.”

written by Jokester

Q: When’s the best time to take your doberman
pinscher for a
walk? - A: Anytime he wants to go.

written by Jokester

Q: Why do dogs bury bones in the ground? - A:

Because you can’t bury them in the sky!

written by Jokester

Q: How did bulldogs get such flat
noses? - A:
From chasing cars.

written by Jokester

Q: What has got four legs and an arm?
- A: A
Rottweiler in a playground.

written by Jokester

Q: How do you get a dog to stop
barking in the
back seat of a car? - A: Put him in the front seat.

written by Jokester

Q:
What do you say to a dog before he eats? -
A: Bone appetite!

written by Jokester

Q: Why did the dog cross the road? - A: Because it

was the chickens day off.

written by Jokester

Q: Why is a dog’s nose in the middle of
it’s
face? - A: Because it’s the scenter.

written by Jokester

Q: When is a strange dog
most likely to go
into your house? - A: When the door is open.

written by Jokester

Q: What
happened when the dog went to the flea
circus? - A: It stole the
show!

written by Jokester

Q: Why did the lazy person buy a tall dog? - A: So
that they didn’t
have to bend down to pet it.

written by Jokester

Q: What kind of dog does a dracula like? - A: A

Bloodhound.

written by Jokester

Q: What did the puppy say when he sat on sand
paper? - A:
RUFF!

written by Jokester

Q: What goes “krab, krab, krab”? - A: A dog
barking in a
mirror.

written by Jokester

Q: What side of the dog has the most fur? - A: The
Outside.

written by Jokester

Q:
Why does a dog wag it’s tail? - A: No one
else will do it for them

written by Jokester

A man took his dog to the vets and asked the vet to

completely remove the dogs tail. The vet confused said “Why do you

want me to do that? the dogs tail is perfectly healthy.” The man
replied
“Well the wifes mother comes this weekend and I want to make
sure
there are no signs of any welcome!!”

written by Jokester

A man was very proud of his guard
dog, he would
leave it to roam free in the garden to sow the world his
house was
guarded. One day a woman knocked at his door. “Is that your
big dog
outside?” Wondering how she had got past him he said “Yes
why?” She
said I’m sorry but my dog just killed him!” “What??” Roared
the
man “What kind of dog have you got??” “A Peke” Replied the
woman. “A
Peke??? how could that little thing kill my big fine guard
dog?” “I
think it got stuck in his throat!” Replied the woman.

written by Jokester

A man is
walking down the street when he hears
a voice, “Pssst you come over
here!” He looks round and can see no
one but an old mangy greyhound.
“yes over here!” Said the greyhound
“Look at me I’m tied up here, I
should be racing I won 14 races in
my carrer you know?” The man thought
to himself “Oh my god a
talking dog, I have to have it, it will make
me rich, tv appearances
cabaret bookings” So he goes in search of the
owner.

He found
the owner and said “I’d like to buy your dog, is he for
sale??” The
owner says “No mate you don’t want that old moth eaten
thing!”
“But I do!” Insisted the man “I’lll give you 1000 pounds for
him. “Ok
said the owner but I think your making a big mistake!” Handing
over
the money the man said “Why do you think that?” The man replied

“Because that dogs a bloody liar it’s never won a race in it’s

life!”

written by Jokester

A man and his dog went into a pub. The barman said
“Sorry mate no
dogs allowed in here!” The dog said “Oh please
don’t be like that,
I’m trained and I won’t cause any trouble!” The
bar man was
astonished at the talking dog and sat and chatted with
the dog and it’s owner.
After a while the owner went to the toilet
and the barman saw his
chance for a prank. He said to the dog
“Would you do me a favor as a wind
up, will you go down to my friends
bakers shop and order a loaf of
bread??” “Sure!” Replied the dog. The
bar man gave the dog a fiver and
the dog left.

When the
owner came out of the toilet he went into a panic when he saw
his dog
had gone. The barman said “It’s ok he’s gone down to the
bakery
for me” The owner was livid “It IS NOT OK he’s never been out on
his
own, anything could happen to him he could get run over.

The
owner spent the next hour searching for his dog, walking the
str
eets frantically. As he was walking he heard strange noises coming
from an
ally way, he went down and there was his dog having it’s
wicked way
with a lady poodle. “ROVER!” Shouted the owner “You’ve had
me worried
sick, what’s the matter with you you’ve never
dissapeared like this
before!” The dog replied “I’ve never had a fiver
before!”

written by Jokester

Upon
entering the little country store, the
stranger noticed a sign saying;
DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the
glass door.
Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the
floor besides
the cash register.

He asked the store
manager, “Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to
beware of?”

“Yep,
that’s him,” he replied.

The stranger couldn’t help but be
amused. “That certainly doesn’t
look like a dangerous dog to me. Why
in the world would you post that
sign?”

“Because,” the
owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people
kept tripping over
him.”

written by Jokester