JokzBlog.com

Why did the elephant eat the candle?
He
wanted a light snack!

written by Jokester

Q: What happened when the elephant sat on

the car?
A: Everyone knows a Mercedes Bends!

written by Jokester

Two elephants jumped off a
cliff…….
BOOM BOOM!

written by Jokester

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the
jungle so
the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of
soccer. The
game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten
goals to nil,
when the Ants gained possession. The Ants’ star
player was dribbling
the ball towards the Elephants’ goal when the
Elephants’ left back
came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod
on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee
stopped the
game. “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Do you
call that
sportsmanship, killing another player?” The elephant replied,
“Well,
I didn’t mean to kill him — I was just trying to trip him
up.”

written by Jokester

An elephant was walking in a park. With each
step he took, he
squished many little ants. Upset, the ants began
to crawl up on the
elephant — first his legs and then up all over
his body. When the elephant
started feeling all the little ants on
him, he shook hard, making all the
little ants, except for one, fall
to the ground. As the only ant on the
elephant hung on close to the
elephant’s neck, the ones on the ground
began to yell, “Strangle
him!!! Strangle him!!!”

written by Jokester

What is worse than raining cats and dogs
?
Raining elephants !

written by Jokester

How do you raise a baby elephant ?
With a
fork lift truck !

written by Jokester

Is the squirt from an elephants trunk very

powerful?
Well, a jumbo jet can keep 500 people oin the air for
hours at a time
!

written by Jokester

Reports are coming in of an elephant doing a
ton in the highway.
Police ask motorists to drive carefully and to
yield right of way.

written by Jokester

How
do you make an elephant sandwich?

First of all, you get a very large loaf…

written by Jokester

How does an elephant go up a tree?
It
stands on an acorn and waits for it to grow.

written by Jokester

What do you get if
you cross an elephant
with the abominable snowman?
A jumbo yeti.

written by Jokester

Why did the gum cross the road?
Because it
was under the elephants foot.

written by Jokester

What does a bald elephant
wear for a
toupee?
A sheep.

written by Jokester

Why do elephants prefer peanuts to
caviar?
Because they’re easier to get at the ballpark.

written by Jokester

Why are elephants large, grey and
wrinkly?
Because if they were small round and white, they would be

aspirins.

written by Jokester

Why don’t elephants like martinis?
Have
you ever tried to get an olive out of your nose?

written by Jokester

Why do
elephants live in the
jungle?
Because it’s out of the high rent district.

written by Jokester

Why do elephants squirt
water through
their noses?
If they squirted it through their tails, it’d be very
difficult to
aim.

written by Jokester

Why do elephants jump across rivers?
So
they won’t step on the fish.

written by Jokester

What do you call an elephant with a rabbit up
it’s sweater
?
Warren !

written by Jokester

What do you call the rabbit up the
elephant’s
sweater ?
Terrified !

written by Jokester

How to elephants talk to each other ?
By
‘elephone !

written by Jokester

What do you give an elephant with big feet
?
Plenty of room !

written by Jokester

Why do elephants have trunks ?
Because
they’ve no pockets to put things in !

written by Jokester

What animals were last
to leave the ark
?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks !

written by Jokester

What do you find in an elephants graveyard
?
Elephantoms !

written by Jokester

What is stronger an elephant or a snail
?
A snail, because it carries it’s house, an elephant just carries its

trunk !

written by Jokester

What do you do with old cannon balls
?
Give them to elephants to use as marbles !

written by Jokester

What do elephants do in
the evenings
?
Watch elevision !

written by Jokester

Who lost a herd of elephants ?
Big bo peep
!

written by Jokester

What is an elephants favourite film
?
Elephantasia

written by Jokester

What do elephants say as a compliment
?
You look elephantastic !

written by Jokester

What did the elephant say to the famous

detective ?
It’s ele-mentary, my dear Sherlock !

written by Jokester

Why did the elephant jump in
the lake
when it began to rain ?
To stop getting wet !

written by Jokester

What is a baby elephant after he is five
weeks
old ?
Six weeks old !

written by Jokester

What did the elephant say when the man
grabbed
him by the tail ?
This is the end of me !

written by Jokester

What to you get if you cross a parrot with an

elephant ?
An animal that tells you everything that it remembers
!

written by Jokester

What do
elephants sing at christmas
?
Noel-ephants, Noel-ephants…

written by Jokester

Who do elephants get their christmas

presents from ?
Elephanta Claus !

written by Jokester

How do you hire an elephant ?
Stand it on
four bricks !

written by Jokester

My elephants got no trunk ?
How does it
smell ?
Terrible !

written by Jokester

How do you stop an angry elephant from
charging ?
Take away it’s credit cards !

written by Jokester

What did the baby elephant get when
the
daddy elephant sneezed ?
Out of the way !

written by Jokester

Why do the elephants have short tails
?
Because they can’t remember long stories !

written by Jokester

Why is an elephant braver
than a hen
?
Because the elephant isn’t chicken !

written by Jokester

How does an elephant get out of a small car
?
The same way that he got in !

written by Jokester

Why did the elephant cross the road
?
Because the chicken was having a day off !

written by Jokester

What did the hotel manager say to the
elephant
that couldn’t pay his bill ? “Pack your trunk and clear out
!”

written by Jokester

How
do you get an elephant into a
matchbox ?
Take all the matches out first !

written by Jokester

What did the grape say when the
elephant
stood on it ?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine !

written by Jokester

How can you tell if there is
an elephant
in your dessert ?
You get very lumpy ice cream !

written by Jokester

Why are elephants wiser than chickens

?
Have you ever heard of Kentucky Fried Elephant ?!

written by Jokester

Why do elephants eat raw food ?
Because
they don’t know how to cook !

written by Jokester

Have you heard about the
elephant that
went on a crash diet ?
He wrecked three cars, a bus and two fire
engines !

written by Jokester

Why did the
elephant eat the candle
?
For light refreshment !

written by Jokester

When should you feed milk to a baby elephant

?
When it’s a baby elephant !

written by Jokester

How do you know that peanuts are

fattening ?
Have you ever seen a skinny elephant ?

written by Jokester

What do you call an elephant that can’t do

sums ?
Dumbo !

written by Jokester

Bill:”My homework is really difficult
tonight, I’ve to
write an essay on an elephant.”?
Bert:”Well, for a
start your going to need a big ladder..”

written by Jokester

Why do
elephants do well in school
?
Because they have a lot of grey matter !

written by Jokester

Teacher:”To which family
does the
elephant belong ?”
Pupil:”I don’t know, nobody I know owns one !”

written by Jokester

Teacher: “Name six
wild
animals”
Pupil:”Four elephants and two lions !”

written by Jokester

Teacher: “Where would you find an elephant

?”
Pupil:”You don’t have to find them, they’re too big to lose

!”

written by Jokester

Tarzan was tired when he came home.
“What
have you been doing”, asked Jane.
“Chasing a herd of elephants on
vines”
“Really ?”, said Jane. “I thought elephants stayed on the
ground
!”

written by Jokester

What is the easy way to get a wild elephant
?
Get a tame one and annoy it !

written by Jokester

What did Tarzan say when he saw the

elephants coming ?
Here come the elephants

written by Jokester

What’s the best way to see a charging herd

of elephants ?
On television !

written by Jokester

Why don’t elephants like playing cards in
the
jungle ?
Because of all the cheetahs !

written by Jokester

What do you call an elephant with a

carrot in each ear ?
Anything you want as he can’t hear you !

written by Jokester

What do you call an
elephant that lies
across the middle of a tennis court ?
Annette !

written by Jokester

What do you call an elephant creeping through
the jungle in
the middle of the night ?
Russell !

written by Jokester

What’s big, grey and flies straight up
?
An elecopter !

written by Jokester

What weighs 4 tons and is bright red ?
An
elephant holding its breath !

written by Jokester

What’s blue and has big ears ?
An
elephant at the North Pole !

written by Jokester

What’s grey and wrinkly and jumps every

twenty seconds ?
An elephant with hiccups !

written by Jokester

What goes up slowly and comes down quickly

?
An elephant in a lift !

written by Jokester

What has 3 tails, 4 trunks and 6 feet ?
An
elephant with spare parts !el

written by Jokester

What’s as big as an elephant but
weighs
nothing ?
An elephant’s shadow !

written by Jokester

What’s grey and lights up ?
An electric
elephant !

written by Jokester

What’s grey but turns red ?
An
embarrassed elephant !

written by Jokester

What’s grey, carries a bunch of flowers

and cheers you up when your ill ?
A get wellephant !

written by Jokester

What grey, has a wand, huge wings and gives
money
to elephants ?
The tusk fairy !

written by Jokester

What’s grey, beautiful and wears glass
slippers ?
Cinderelephant !

written by Jokester

What’s the difference between an injured
elephant
and bad weather ?
One roars with pain and the other pours
with rain !

written by Jokester

What’s the difference between an elephant
and
a bad pupil ?
One rarely bites and the other barely writes
!

written by Jokester

How to you tell the
difference between an
elephant and a mouse ?
Try picking them up !

written by Jokester

What’s the difference between an elephant
and
a piece of paper ?
You can’t make a paper aeroplane out of an
elephant !

written by Jokester

What’s the
difference between a sick
elephant and seven days ?
One is a weak one and the other one week !

written by Jokester

What’s the difference
between an
elephant and a banana ?
Have you ever tried to peel an elephant ?

written by Jokester

Why are elephants grey ?
So you can tell
them from flamingos !

written by Jokester

What’s the difference between
an African
elephant and an Indian elephant ?
About 3,000 miles !

written by Jokester

What’s the difference between an elephant
and a
gooseberry ?
A gooseberry is green !

written by Jokester

What pill would you give to an elephant that

can’t sleep ?
Trunkquilizers !

written by Jokester

A boy with an elephant on his head went to
see a
doctor. The doctor said, “You know you really need
help”
“Yes I do”, said the elephant, “get this kid off my foot !”

written by Jokester

What kind of elephants live in Antartica
?
Cold ones !

written by Jokester

Why do elephants have trunks ?
Because
they would look silly carrying suitcases !

written by Jokester

How do you fit
five elephants into a car
?
Two in the front, two in the back and the other in the glove

compartment !

written by Jokester

How does an elephant get down from a tree
?
He sits on a leaf and waits till autumn !

written by Jokester

Why did the elephant paint
himself with
different colours?
Because he wanted to hide in the colouring box
!

written by Jokester

Why were the
elephants thrown out of the
swimming pool ?
Because they couldn’t hold their trunks up !

written by Jokester

Why does an elephant
wear sneakers
?
So that he can sneak up on mice !

written by Jokester

What’s grey and moves at a hundred
miles
an hour ?
A jet propelled elephant !

written by Jokester

What’s big and grey and wears a mask
?
The elephantom of the opera !

written by Jokester

What’s grey, stands in a river when it

rains and doesn’t get wet ?
An elephant with an umbrella !

written by Jokester

What’s grey and never needs ironing ?
A
drip dry elephant !

written by Jokester

What’s grey and goes round and round ?
An
elephant in a washing machine !

written by Jokester

What’s big and grey and lives in
a lake
in Scotland ?
The Loch Ness Elephant !

written by Jokester

What’s yellow on the outside and grey on the

inside ?
An elephant disguised as a banana !

written by Jokester

What’s big and grey and protects
you
from the rain ?
An umbrellaphant !

written by Jokester

Q: What is the pink stuff between elephant’s

toes?
A: Slow clowns.

written by Jokester

‘We’re going to play elephants and
circuses,’ said
a little boy at kindergarten, ‘Do you want to join
in?’
‘I’d love to,’replied the teacher. ‘What do you want me to
do?’
‘You can be the lady that feeds us peanuts !’

written by Jokester

Why did the elephant
paint his toenails
red ?
So he could hide in the cherry tree !

written by Jokester

What do you call an elephant
that flies
?
A jumbo jet !

written by Jokester

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a
kangaroo
?
Big holes all over Australia !

written by Jokester